


Trust (HOLD)

by loving1dwp



Series: Words [2]
Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Cutting, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Trust Issues, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-15 00:16:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loving1dwp/pseuds/loving1dwp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>BOOK 2<br/>One picture ruined it all. One picture tore two boys apart. One picture left those boys broken. Louis Tomlinson is finally ready to stop living in this world, the little he had is now gone. Harry Styles feels like the biggest idiot in the world for tearing Louis apart. He'll do anything he can to fix Louis, but first he has to earn back Louis's trust, which could take some time. Add to that the fact that Louis's past keeps coming back to haunt him and no matter how many times he cries in his room he can't escape the feeling of wanting it all to end. Forever. </p><p>Is it to late to save him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N This picks up right where the last story left off. It’s only like one day later. :)  
> LISTEN TO THE SONG HAPPY BY SECRETS IN STEREO. IT WILL NOT BE THE SAME IF YOU DON’T. I LISTENED TO IT THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS WRITING THIS CHAPTER.

****

Louis’s POV

I woke up to the familiar empty feeling and darkness. I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face. Remember when I said my life couldn’t get any worse? Well, it did.

I sighed and glanced around the room. The closet was almost empty, before it was filled with clothes, but Harry took his into the other room. I didn’t have much, so I had plenty of empty space in the closet and my dresser. I moved from the bed to the window seat and leaned my head against the cold glass. I closed my eyes and thought back to before everything happened.

 

*Flashback*

I was sitting on the floor practicing a magic trick when my mum came in and grabbed her keys from the table.

“Where are you going mum?” I asked.

“I’m just going to the store Louis, I’ll be back in time for your party don’t worry.”

“Okay, bye mum.” I looked down and continued with the magic trick.

“Bye dear.”

I was so excited because today I was turning eight, my mum had planned a big party for me, and she said she had gotten me the best present ever.

About an hour later the doorbell rang and I jumped up and ran to it, thinking that it was my mum, but when I opened the door a policeman stood there. I looked up confused at him.

“Are you Louis Tomlinson?” The guy knelt down in front of me.

I shook my head and looked behind him to see if my mum was there, but she wasn’t. I frowned.

“Hi, Louis I’m Paul Higgins. I’m terribly sorry, but your mum was just killed in a car crash about twenty minutes ago.”

I laughed hard at that because obviously this was a prank. I was always quite the prankster and it was only right for my mum to prank me back every once in a while. I straightened up and looked behind Paul.

“Nice prank mum! Now come out so we can start my birthday party!” I called.

“This isn't a prank. I’m so sorry, but your mum really is dead.” Paul’s eyes instantly filled with sadness and he put a hand on my shoulder.

 

“Please, tell me you’re joking.” The reality was starting to sink in and I could feel the corners of my eyes beginning to sting with tears.

“I’m sorry.” Paul said once again.

“B-But she can’t be g-gone. It’s my b-birthday!” I screamed, the tears falling freely.

“How old are you?” He asked sympathetically.

“Eight.” I sniffed.

“Come on kid; let’s get you to the police station.” Paul said gently.

“What? No! I’m not leaving, this is my home!”

“We have to go Louis, we’ll come back to get your stuff later. Perrie will explain everything to you at the police station okay?”

“Who’s Perrie?” I sniffed again.

“Perrie Edwards, she works for the UKFA.”

“What’s that?” I said becoming frustrated.

“She’ll explain.”

I nodded and solemnly followed him from my house, out into the rain. We never came back for my stuff, I was immediately relocated to London. Paul’s lie was only the first of many.

*End of Flashback*

 

I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears from my eyes, I had been so caught up in my memory that I didn’t notice Harry sitting on my bed, watching me until he cleared his throat. I nearly jumped off of the window seat in surprise.

“I, uh-sorry, you weren’t answering me and…I made breakfast.” Harry rushed out quickly and then scurried me from the room.

I wonder how long he had been sitting there. I stood up and pulled on some black sweat pants and a grey t-shirt. I stopped at the bathroom and picked up my blade. Suddenly it all came rushing back.

 

*Flashback*

“You worthless twat, go to your room!” Mr. Smith yelled at me.

I ran up the stairs as fast as my fourteen year old legs could carry me. I went straight to my bathroom and opened the drawer to find my razor. I had been thinking about doing it for a while, but I could never bring myself to it. This day though had been particularly worse than the rest, so I put the blade to my skin and tugged back sharply.

I dropped the razor and slapped a hand over my mouth to stop from screaming. The pain was bad, but I liked the physical pain better than the emotional pain, so I sliced again. This time it didn’t hurt as bad and it actually felt…like a relief, almost calming.

I sighed aloud and rinsed my first two cuts off. I had found my escape.

*End of Flashback*

 

I quickly made two cuts where my first ever ones were and rinsed them. I put on a bandage and then pulled on a jumper, not realizing it was Harry’s purple Jack Wills hoodie. I had been wearing it so much it just felt wrong not to wear it.

I made sure the sleeves were covering my arms and walked slowly to the kitchen. Harry was sitting at the table, pushing his eggs around with a fork. I sat across from him wordlessly. I stared down at the biscuits, bacon, and eggs in front of me and my stomach rumbled. I took a bite of the eggs and my senses went into overdrive. I really missed Harry’s cooking.

“Pull up your sleeves.” Harry said it, with no emotion, but his eyes were narrowed and he was staring at the hoodie.

“No.” I replied simply.

On the inside I was panicking. I didn’t want him to get mad that I was still cutting. I wouldn’t be able to explain how much I needed to do it. He wouldn’t understand.

Harry stood up from the table and walked until he was next to me. I shrunk down in my seat, hoping that I could just disappear.

“Do it, or I will.” He said in a dark voice.

I winced and slowly rolled up the sleeve of my right arm, then my left. The left was by far, worse than the right. It was covered in scars from my elbow down and the scars were more prominent. The right only had a few scars, because I’m right handed, so it’s easier to cut the left one.

I glanced up at Harry who was staring at my arms with hate in his eyes. He hates me. I sighed and moved them back down, pushing my plate away from me.

“Do you still care about me?” Harry choked on the last word.

I scrunched my eyebrows together and nodded my head, then looked at Harry again. He shook his head, and I noticed his eyes tearing up, and then he turned around and went to his room, slamming the door.

I sighed and put my head in my hands. What did he expect? That he would come back and everything would be okay? No, that’s not how life works. I’m not just going to magically stop cutting after trying to commit suicide. I’m not going to be over my depression just because he came back. Yes, that was one reason for it, but it’s more than just that. It’s everything that’s happened since I was eight.

**

Harry’s POV

I stretched my stiff limbs and turned off the stove. I had made a lovely breakfast for Louis and me. I set his plate on the table and went to get him.

I stopped in the door way when I saw him sitting on the window seat with his eyes closed, and his head leant against the glass. I could see the fresh cuts on his wrists, and the really bad one that had caused most of his blood loss. I thought for a moment he was asleep, but then I saw the tears coming from under his closed eyelids.

I sat on his bed and watched him; I know that sounds creepy, but I couldn’t look away. I really had broken him even worse than he was before. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fix him, but I will try my hardest to. I’ll do whatever it takes.

He opened his eyes and wiped away the tears. I wanted so badly to run to him, pull him into my arms, and cuddle with him until he stopped crying, but I know I can’t and that kills me every time I look at him.

I cleared my throat and he jumped then turned to face me.

“I, uh sorry, you weren’t answering me and…I made breakfast.” I covered and then walked away.

He came in ten minutes later wearing my hoodie and my heart melted. Just that little gesture brought me hope. My smile dropped when I realized why he was wearing it, because it certainly wasn’t cold in our flat. I continued to push around my eggs, trying to think of a way to ask him without coming off as a twat.

“Pull up your sleeves.” I cleared my voice of an emotion.

“No.” He took a bite of the eggs and I saw his eyes sparkle.

At least I know he still likes my cooking. I will definitely use that against him. I stalked over to where he was sitting and narrowed my eyes.

“Do it, or I will.” I crossed my arms.

He slowly rolled up his right sleeve and I saw only the faint outlines of old scars there. His right was much worse. They were still red and pink and they reached all the way to his elbow, there was also a bandage around his wrist and I knew that meant there was a fresh cut underneath it. My vision became fuzzy as the tears clouded my eyes.

I should have made him come with me to the kitchen, then maybe he wouldn’t have done it. I need to protect him. I can’t live in this world if he isn’t here with me. He’s the only one who’s never bullied me, who’s never made fun of me for being gay, who wanted to be friends with me. He wasn’t only my boyfriend; he was my best friend too.

I shook my head and went to my room, slamming the door. I have to do something, but I don’t know what to do. I never know what to do. The world must have taken pity on me because an idea popped into my head at that moment.

I ran to my bathroom and dug through my shaving kit until I found an extra razor. I held it against the pale skin of my wrist and closed my eyes.

This is for Louis. I reminded myself.

I applied pressure and felt the sting as a trickle of blood came out; I held my breath and made it go deeper until I had a proper cut. I dropped the razor and rinsed my arm. It stung like crazy, but I ignored the pain and dried it off. I made my way back to the kitchen. Louis was still sitting there, but he was leaning his head on his hands.

“Every time you cut, I’ll cut.” I held out my wrist to show Louis.

His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. I knew he would do this; this is all part of my plan to make him stop, no matter how much it hurts me I’ll go through with it, because I need to fix Louis.

“Harry, why did you do that? Please don’t do this!” Louis stood up and walked towards me, but I backed up.

“I don’t get it. Why do you do it? Honestly I think it’s fucking painful, so why would you want to do this to yourself?”

Tears were falling from his eyes again. I sighed and looked down at my wrist. Whatever it takes.

“Harry please, stop. I hate that I do this, and I would never be able to forgive myself if you hurt yourself like me! It sucks okay! Once you start you can’t stop no matter how hard you try. Please don’t do this to yourself. You don’t deserve it.” Louis screamed.

I was taken aback by his response, I knew he’d be upset, but I didn’t think he would get angry. I shook my head. Did he really think that?

“And neither do you. That’s why I’m doing this. I’m doing this for you. If you don’t cut, I won’t cut, but if you do, I will.” I tried to wipe a tear from his cheek, but he flinched away.

Is he really doing that again? I thought he’d gotten out of that habit.

“Why do you love me? You deserve so much better?” He whispered.

“I love you for many reasons, and it doesn’t get any better than you.” I stepped forward carefully so that our faces were only a few inches apart.

“I love you too, but I still don’t trust you, I’m sorry.” He whispered again.

I sighed and looked down into his eyes. They were no longer as blue as the sky, but a dull grey. I also noticed he needed a haircut, he was a little thin, and his clothes were wrinkled. He still looks beautiful to me though.

“I understand.” I went to move back, but Louis put his arms around my neck and hugged me. I put mine around his waist and pulled him closer.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

“Stop apologizing, if anyone is sorry it should be me.” I rested my chin on his shoulder. “I hate not being with you.”

“It’s miserable.” He agreed.

I let go of him and moved over to our stereo system and turned on the song “For Blue Skies.”

“Care to dance.” I held out my hand and forced a smile.

He looked hesitant so I pulled him into the living room with me. I put his hands on my shoulders and rested mine at his hips. I stepped to the side and he followed. After a few minutes he stepped closer and laid his head on my shoulder. I circled my arms around his waist and leant my head on his shoulder too, as he wrapped his arms around my neck.

I closed my eyes and swayed to the music. A shiver ran through my body for every hot breath that Louis breathed onto my neck. The song ended, but we kept swaying and I finally felt like something was right.

Louis suddenly pulled away from me and leaned his forehead against mine. He leaned in slowly and brushed our lips together. My stomach had a wave of butterflies as I felt his lips once again. I missed them so much, even though it had only been like twelve hours.

“I still don’t trust you, but I’ll learn to in time. Right now though, I want you as my boyfriend again.” He said softly, with hope shining in his eyes.

“I accept.” I smiled for real for the first time in a week.

He smiled back and pushed our lips together again. The kiss didn’t get heated -it was a simple kiss- but I didn’t care. I loved the feeling of Louis’s lips on mine. Our mouths worked as one and it was amazing what a simple kiss could do to me. My stomach was turning, my throat felt dry, and my palms were sweating.

I pulled back reluctantly, because I needed air. I smiled when I saw that Louis was smiling. This is going to sound cheesy, but when he smiles, I smile.

“Will you sleep with me tonight, not like sex, but just sleep in the same bed?” He rested his head on my shoulder again and we continued swaying.

“Of course I will, Boo.” I kissed his temple.

“Thanks Haz, I love you.” He murmured.

“I love you too.” I kissed his lips again lightly.

“Please don’t leave me again.” He whispered.

“I won’t leave you ever again, that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”

I meant every word, I will never leave again, I don’t care if he does cheat on me -which I doubt he will- I won’t leave. I just love him too much to walk away again.

****

“You can piece back a heart after its been broken, but it will never beat the same.”


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up next to someone you love is the best feeling in the world. I turned to face Harry, he was still sleeping so I nuzzled my face into his neck and sighed. I was about to fall back asleep when Harry’s phone started ringing. I groaned and rolled away from him. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and reached blindly for his phone.

When he found it he grabbed it and pushed it to his ear, then mumbled out a ‘hello.’ He has a really sexy morning voice that makes me want to kiss his face, so I did. I cuddled into his side again, because I missed his warmth. I was shivering, so he kissed me on the cheek. Suddenly his eyes went wide and his body went stiff.

“He what?” Harry sat up, making me tumble over to the other side of the bed.

I let out a cough and rolled onto my side. My head throbbed and I rubbed my temples with my hands and sighed loudly, showing Harry that I was mad that he did that. He didn’t seem to notice my frustration; he just kept talking to whoever was on the phone,

“Well, what are we supposed to do? Where would he go?” Harry asked frantically.

I wondered who he was talking about, but I was too occupied with trying to get warm and holding back my coughs. Even I was surprised by the loud sneeze that came from my mouth. I pulled my knees up and curled into a ball, pulling the covers around my shoulders tightly. I coughed again and closed my eyes, hoping the headache would subside. I knew then that I was sick.

“Okay, just, I don’t know…find him. I’ll be there as soon as I can to help.” Harry swung his legs over the bed and I frowned as another cough came.

Was he really going to leave me again? He pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, then he typed something on his phone. I rolled over and let out a sad sigh. I really didn’t want him to leave me here alone while I was sick, plus I was afraid he wouldn’t come back.

“Where are you going?” My voice came out scratchy and just barely audible, I couldn’t speak very loud because my throat felt like it was on fire or something.

“Zayn ran away, and I have to go help find him, I should be back in a few days.” He sat on the edge of the bed facing away from me as he pulled on his shoes.

“How do I know you’re not going to leave again?” My voice cracked in the middle and went to a whisper.

“Lou, are you feeling alright?” Harry leaned over me, but I didn’t open my eyes.

“You’re shivering, sneezing, and coughing, maybe I should stay here with you.” He placed an ice cold hand on my forehead and I jumped at the contact. “You’re burning up.” He retracted his hand and lay beside me, pulling me closer so I could lay my head on his chest.

“Go find Zayn, I’ll be fine.” I mumbled, but he just held me tighter and frowned.

“I’m not going to leave you here alone when you’re sick. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I did that?” He kissed my forehead and smiled down at me.

I sighed. Deep down I wanted him to stay. I hated being sick, and alone, both of those would probably make me go crazy. A smile was brought to my lips at the fact that Harry wasn’t going to leave me.

I faintly heard Harry’s conversation with who I assumed to be Liam. After he hung up he untangled himself from me, but just when I turned around to protest, Harry lifted me from the bed.

“I can walk you know?” I said this, but my head slumped onto Harry’s shoulder weakly.

“Does your throat hurt?” Harry walked to the couch and set me down.

I nodded my head. I was definitely sick. My throat hurt, I was freezing, I couldn’t stop coughing and sneezing and I had a headache.

“I’ll make you some homemade chicken noodle soup and lemonade.” Harry smiled and walked back to the kitchen. “Why don’t you lie down and watch some TV.” He suggested.

I reached for the remote and put it on a random channel that had some crime show on it. It was more interesting to watch Harry shuffle around the kitchen, throwing things in a pot. I smiled watching his face scrunch up in concentration as he measured out some salt, before adding it to the pot. He glanced over at me, and I sent him a wink. He blushed and stirred the pot, smiling to himself.

Twenty minutes later he strolled over to me with a bowl in one hand and a glass of lemonade in the other. I sat up and he handed me the bowl and a spoon. He sat next to me and took a bite of his sandwich. I blew on a spoonful of the soup and put it into my mouth, tasting something I can only describe as amazing.

“Where did you learn to cook so well?” I whispered. Even my whisper sounded scratchy.

“I just took up the hobby when I moved in with Jane and Sam.” He shrugged and popped a chip into his mouth.

We finished eating and Harry put his back against the armrest and spread his legs out. I sat between them and leaned my head back against his chest. He played with my hair and sighed loudly. I patted his knee and turned my head to kiss him.

“Go to sleep babe.” He said quietly.

I took his advice and drifted off to sleep rather quickly.

**

I looked around myself, trying to remember where I was. I instantly recognized Mr. Smith standing over Harry and I panicked. I jumped up and ran over to them, pushing Mr. Smith off of Harry.

“Get away boy!” He handcuffed me to a chair and went back to Harry who was struggling to get the ropes around his ankles and wrists off.

“Leave him alone!” I screamed.

I could feel the guilt eating me alive and the only thing I could think of was how this was all my fault.

“Shut up!” He slapped me hard and pulled out a large knife, then threw it at Harry.

It missed him by about two inches, and I let out a dry sob. Why must my life be so difficult? I feel like every time I turn around something bad is happening.

“No! Harry!” I pulled hard against my restraints, trying to get loose so I could help Harry.

Right as Mr. Smith picked up the knife again I let out another scream before everything started going fuzzy.

**

I sat up on the couch and looked around frantically for Harry, but he was nowhere to be found. I jumped up and ran back to my room. I grabbed my phone, seeing that there were no missed calls or texts, and then it hit me. It was all a dream.

 

Harry never came back. Harry never said he was sorry. We aren’t dating. There is one thing that doesn’t make sense though, I’m still sick. Maybe it was just a hallucination or something like that. Yeah that’s it, I was so sick I imagined that Harry came back and was taking care of me.

I sat on the window seat and let the tears fall again. I feel like all I do is cry now, I’m such a baby. I pulled my emergency blade from my pocket and sliced my wrist once, before putting my head back in my hands. I was full on sobbing when I heard the door open. I assumed I was just hearing things again, so I cried harder, that was when I heard something fall and then pounding footsteps were coming closer.

“What’s wrong Boo?” Someone yanked my hands away from my face.

I stared up at the green eyes and shrunk back against the seat, sighing in relief. It wasn’t a dream after all. Harry was here, he was looking at me with a scared expression, and he doesn’t still hate me.

“What did you do?” Harry groaned, looking at my bleeding wrist.

“I th-though you left. I thought it w-was all a d-dream. I thought you w-were still m-mad at me.” I threw my arms around his neck and sobbed into his shoulder.

“It’s alright. I’m here and I’m not going to leave you again, I promise.” Harry put his hands on the back of my thighs and I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist.

He carried me back into the living room and sat on the couch. I unwrapped my legs and twisted so that I was sitting sideways on his lap. He wiped some blood from my wrist off of my forehead and the kissed the spot afterwards.

“P-please don’t do it. I’m sorry.” My eyes widened when I realized it.

“Don’t do what?” Harry raised an eyebrow.

I pointed to my wrist and was too ashamed to look in his eyes so I stared down at my lap. I wasn’t thinking when I did it. I thought he was gone, so I didn’t think about him having to cut if I did.

“Oh Lou, I won’t, but just this time, because it’s sort of my fault you did that. I should have left you a note or something, but I didn’t think you would wake up, and I wanted it to be a surprise.” Harry ran a shaky hand through his hair.

“No, it’s not your fault.” I sniffed. “Where did you go anyways?” I leaned my head in his chest and sighed.

“I got us some Chinese food for dinner and I rented a movie. I also got you some medicine.” I jumped off of his lap as soon as the word left his lips.

“Medicine?” I shook my head and slowly backed up; I let out a small cough and cursed myself internally.

“Yeah, it’ll help you get better.” Harry said nonchalantly.

“No, I’m fine. I don’t need any medicine.” I squeaked.

The back of my knees hit the coffee table and I gulped, thinking if I could make a run for it. Harry’s fast, but I’m faster. As I was contemplating what to do Harry had already stepped in front of me and was placing a soft hand against my cheek.

“Are you okay? You look kind of pale. Why don’t you come sit down, and I’ll go get your medicine.” Harry leaned in to kiss my cheek.

“NO!” I shocked myself by screaming.

Harry jumped back in surprise and stared at me with wide eyes. I looked between him, the floor, and my feet. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to make the memories go away. I was starting to have a hard time telling between what a memory was and what reality was.

“No, I-I’ll be good I promise. Please don’t give me any medicine. I’ll be a good boy.” I whimpered, sinking down to the floor.

Harry caught me under the arms before I could fall all the way. I shrieked and shoved him away, not once opening my eyes. The horrifying images were flashing in my head, and I wanted them to stop.

“I’m sorry, don’t hurt me! I’ll take it!” I covered my face with my hands and stepped back.

“Louis, just open your eyes.” Harry said calmly.

His voice snapped me back to reality and as I realized what I had just done my jaw dropped. Did I really just do that again? I had done that quite a few times actually, but that was the first time in six months. I would just have this moment where I would be brought back to a bad memory and it was like it was happening all over again. I would have no control over my mind or body as everything flashed through my head and words came spilling out of my mouth.

“He was here. Where did he go? Did I really just imagine he was here?” I looked around frantically trying to confirm that I wasn’t crazy.

“Who are you talking about?” Harry gently tugged my shoulder and I turned to face him.

“Mr. Smith.” I whispered.

Harry’s face fell a bit and he grabbed both of my shoulders.

“No one was here, Lou. I’ve been standing here with you for the past few minutes, while you were screaming about not wanting any medicine.” Harry trailed his hand lightly up and down my arm, leaving Goosebumps everywhere his fingertips touched.

“I’m sorry. Mr. Smith used to give us tranquilizer shots so we wouldn’t wake up when he was doing…things…and I used to get really sick when I woke up, but he never cared. He just gave me more and told me to suck it up.” I bit my lip, refusing to cry again.

Harry’s face was one of pure shock. His hands had stopped their movements and he was staring into my eyes with a weird look.

“That’s terrible. How could someone be so cruel?” He hugged me tightly and I leaned my weight on him so I wouldn’t fall, because my knees felt weak.

“I don’t know.” I whispered more to myself than to him.

“Well, just so you know I wasn’t planning on giving you a shot, just some cold pills, but you don’t have to take them if you don’t want to.” Harry smiled, but it was a sympathetic smile.

“The only pills I’ve ever taken were your sleeping pills when I tried to…” I trailed off. “I’ll try to take it.” I looked towards the door, finally figuring out that he had dropped the bags when he came in and heard me crying.

Harry took my hand and led me to the kitchen. I sat on one of the bar stools and waited for him to come back with the pills and other stuff.

He came back with three bags. One had the Chinese food in it –it smelt delightful- one had the movie, and the last had the pills. He pulled out a box of pills, and popped one from the foil packaging. Then he handed me a glass of water and the pill.

I glared down at the purple pill in my hand, before taking a gulp of water and tossing it back, swallowing roughly. I shivered as the pill slithered down my throat. Harry smiled proudly and took the Chinese food to the coffee table. He spread out the food, grabbed another blanket from our room, and put in the movie, then he motioned for me to come over.

“Carry me. I’m too lazy to walk.” I whined.

He chuckled lightly and scooped me up in his arms bridal style. I smiled thankfully as he carried me back to the couch once again. It turned out he had picked my favorite move, The Lion King. I smiled widely when the monkey held Simba up for the other animals to see.

“How did you know this was my favorite movie?” I joked.

“Remember when we played 20 questions?” Harry smiled over at me as I stuffed my face with noodles.

“You remembered that? That was like four months ago!” I was shocked he remembered that little detail.

He shrugged and ate a bite of this chicken stuff that I didn’t know the name of, but it looked pretty good. Harry saw me eyeing it and laughed. He picked some up with his fork and held it to my lips. I opened my mouth and closed my lips around the chicken, slowly pulling it off of the fork, trying to be seductive. It seemed to be working, because Harry looked uncomfortable.

I scooped up some noodles and fed them to Harry, but of course he had picked up on my little game and unfortunately he was better at it than me. He put a hand lightly on my thigh, meaning to be a simple loving gesture, but instead made me squirm in my seat.

We continued feeding each other and when we finished I leaned against Harry and wrapped my arm around his waist, ‘accidently’ brushing his crotch area. He let out a low whine and I smirked.

He reached for his drink, but when he put his hand out so he could balance he basically groped me. My hips involuntarily bucked up towards his hand and he let out an evil laugh. He patted my leg and stretched his arm across my shoulder.

By now I clearly had a semi-erection, but since I was wearing sweatpants you couldn’t tell. I tugged on Harry sleeve like a little kid and when he looked down at me I stretched up to kiss him.

“Nope.” Harry turned his head at the last second and my kiss ended up on his cheek instead.

I stared in disbelief at him. Did he just refuse my kiss? I put on my sassy face and scooted away from him, to the other end of the couch. I crossed my arms and pouted as I watched Nalla try to convince Simba to come back to Pride Rock. 

“Aww, I’m sorry Boo, but you’re sick.” Harry smirked. “Wouldn’t want to get your germs or anything.” He snorted.

“You’re a dick. Were you planning this the whole time?” I glared across the couch at him.

“If I said no would that make you feel better?” I wanted to slap the stupid smirk off of his face and I knew just how to remove it.

I pounced on him with my ninja like skills and pinned his arms above his head on the couch. I smirked down at him and laughed, before brushing my lips lightly against his. I could faintly hear “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” start playing in the background and I smiled thinking how correct that was.

Harry moved one of his hands to the back of my head and pulled me down further so he could deepen the kiss. I gladly accepted his tongue and let it play with mine, before allowing him to become the dominant one. He rolled us over carefully and pulled at my shirt. I untangled my hands from his curls so he could pull it off and then I helped him take his off. Our lips met again and my head started feeling dizzy, but I ignored it. That was just one of the side effects of kissing Harry.

I forgot about my sickness as we made love on the couch in the middle of the living room to the sound of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” By Elton John. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

**

I walked down the street to the small bakery at the corner to meet Harry after I finished my shift at the movie theatre. After the night I got sick, the bills came and we decided that we should get jobs. Now, I work at the movie theatre concession stand and Harry works at a bakery. 

I pushed open the door to the shop and Harry smiled at me. He was talking to a girl, who I assumed was a customer, so I sat down at a table in the corner and watched him. I love the way he talks with his hands, and his voice is so slow and sexy. I shook my head, feeling embarrassed about thinking that when he was only a few feet from me.

My eyes snapped to the girl as she put a hand on his shoulder and laughed. Even from my seat I could tell it was a fake laugh. The girl had on too much make-up and her dress was much too short and cut very low in the front. Her hair was obviously died blonde, because the roots were almost black. It’s times like these when I’m glad Harry’s gay. I held back a chuckle when Harry took a step back. The girl didn’t seem to notice and just kept flirting with him. She was putting her hands all over him and I didn’t like it one bit. I narrowed my eyes and glared at her.

Harry looked to me and mouthed ‘help’. I smirked as an idea formed in my mind. I started towards the door when I heard the girl’s cackling laugh. I put my plan into action and turned, slapping on an overly dramatic smile.

“Hazza!” I skipped over to Harry and put my arm around his waist, and he put his across my shoulders.

“Hey Boo! I missed you.” Harry pecked my lips lightly.

“I missed you more.” I poked his nose with my finger and kissed him.

The girl coughed awkwardly and I looked at her with judging eyes. She was glaring at me, but I didn’t care. I wanted to see how mad I could get her, because no one is going to take my Haz from me again.

“You’re gay?” She raised an eyebrow at Harry 

“Yeah, do you have a problem with that?” He asked sweetly.

“No, but I do have a problem with the fact that you’re dating him.” She spat out the last word like it was venom.

“Excuse me?” Harry tightened his arm around me, and I tried to press myself into his side, hoping I could just disappear.

“I mean look at him. He looks like he fell out of the ugly tree and landed in the stupid bush, and then some evil kid gave him a bad haircut.” She laughed.

My stomach tightened, and I stepped away from Harry immediately and started towards the door, but this time I had no intention of coming back. I stopped when I heard Harry shouting at the girl who looked close to tears. Serves her right.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about! Louis is perfect, and nothing you say will ever change that!” Harry yelled in her face.

“Whatever, you’re just stupid fags.” She scoffed and left the restaurant.

I couldn’t help but think that her and Eleanor would be good friends. They’re both rude and obnoxious. I gulped and jumped back as she passed me. She rolled her eyes at me before exiting the bakery.

“She’s wrong.” Harry whispered, coming up behind me.

He circled his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. I leaned back into his chest and breathed deeply. I turned my face and kissed his cheek.

“Why do people have to be so mean?” I sighed.

“Because, they’re unhappy with their own lives, so they try to ruin other people’s lives.” Harry chirped happily.

I turned in his arms and kissed him passionately. I took his hand and he waved to his boss as we left.

“Did they ever find Zayn?” I asked remembering the phone conversation I had overheard a few days ago.

“No, not yet.” Harry sighed.

It was strange to see him sad. He was always so happy and it broke my heart to see him looking down at the ground and walking slowly. I put two finger under his chin and forced him to look me in the eyes, then I pressed my lips gently to his. A smile broke out on his face and I grinned back at him.

“I love you Harry.”

“I love you too.”

We reached the flat and I opened the door for us. Harry started dinner and I sat at the table and watched. I wish I could cook, but I’m really terrible at it. Harry is actually really good at it, and I was little jealous of that. He had tried to teach me once, but I ended up setting a small fire. No big deal.

“Come help me Boo.” Harry whined.

I stood up slowly and went to him. He smiled when he saw that I had come and then he handed me some eggs and a bowl. I cracked them into the bowl, and I only got two pieces of shell in there, which I got out, I think.

“So what do you want to do for your birthday tomorrow?” Harry leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, smiling slightly.

“That reminds me, will you go somewhere with me? I just need like an hour, and… yeah. You don’t have to, but I really want you to come.” I put on my best puppy dog face and hopped onto the counter, swinging my legs back and forth. Harry walked between my legs and smiled.

“We can go anywhere you like, but where exactly are we going?” Harry cupped my cheek and I leaned into his touch.

“To my parents’ grave. Tomorrow will be ten years since my mum died.” I twiddled my thumbs together while nervously waiting for his response.

I was afraid he wouldn’t want to go, because it was kind of depressing to stand in front of where someone was buried. Especially someone you cared about. I hope I die before Harry, because I don’t think I could bear to stand in front of his grave. I shuddered at the thought.

“She died on your birthday?” Harry frowned.

\“Yeah.” I whispered.

It’s been ten years, but every time I think of my parents it’s like ripping off a bandage. I looked into Harry’s eyes and saw that he was staring at me with a blank expression. Her comes the rejection… It’s okay, I’m used to it by now.

“I’ll go with you on one condition.” Harry smiled sadly.

“What is it?” I asked curiously.

“That you let me take you on a date afterwards.”

I just realized that we had never been on an actual date, and the thought of it gave me the chills. I was excited to go on a date with Harry. I had thought over a few scenarios in my head, all of which ended with a kiss good night and cuddling as we fell asleep. That was my favorite ending.

“Okay.” I smiled happily and put my hands on the back of Harry’s neck, tugging on some of his curls.

His face lit up and he grinned up at me. I always felt good when I made Harry smile. It was like cheering up a little kid who had skinned his knee on the sidewalk. It made me feel all bubbly inside.

“Finally, I’ve wanted to take you on one ever since I met you.” Harry brushed his lips against mine.

“Thank you.” I nervously played with his curls.

“For what?” He placed his hands on my knees.

“Everything. You’ve done so much for me, and I will never be able to repay you for any of it. You really are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I love you so much.” I smiled and captured his lips in a sweet, gentle, loving kiss.

“I love you too.” Harry whispered against my lips.

He pressed his lips harder to mine and flicked his tongue across my bottom lip. I tilted my head and opened my mouth to give him better access.

Finally, after everything I had been through, things were finally good, almost perfect. Harry was my boyfriend, Mr. Smith was in jail, Darcy had a forever home, and Harry promised he’d never leave me again. What more could I ask for?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pure fluff by the way. I thought I’d give you a break from the drama.

“Boobear please get up.” I rolled away from Harry’s voice and tried to go back to sleep, but then I was being lifted off the bed.

“Haz! It’s too early, I want to go back to sleep.” I let my head fall against his shoulder and sighed loudly.

“But I made you a birthday breakfast.” Harry said in a fake hurt voice.

I tensed. That’s right, today’s my birthday. Today was the day the flat would officially become ours. Until now, Lily had been signing everything for us, but we had been paying for it. I’ve never liked my birthday, because it reminds me of my mum’s death. Normally I would have stayed in my room until two or three in the afternoon, gone to her grave, then come back, get drunk, and pass out. It was a routine that was apparently about to be broken.

Harry set me down gently in a chair and my mouth watered at the sight in front of me. Everything looked and smelt amazing. Eggs, bacon, biscuits, jelly, butter, sausage, grits, strawberries, grapes, yogurt, lemonade and tea were scattered around the middle of the table.

I met Harry’s eyes and smiled gratefully at him. He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss before taking my plate.

“What would you like?” He gestured to all of the food.

“Everything.” I said in awe.

He chuckled and started putting a little of everything onto my plate. He handed it to me with a smile and then fixed his plate. I ate so much food I thought I would burst. I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my stomach, letting out a groan. Larry was in the corner eating the wet food we bought him, and it made my stomach hurt even thinking about eating anything else.

“Thanks, that was really good.” I leaned over the table and kissed Harry’s cheek.

“Don’t thank me yet, I have a whole day of stuff planned.” Harry winked.

“Don’t forget we have to go-“

“Already worked it into our schedule.” Harry smiled proudly.

“Okay then.” I raised my eyebrows. “What’s next?”

“We get dressed.”

I helped Harry clear the table, but he refused to let me help wash the dishes, because I was ‘the birthday boy’. I skipped off to our room and picked out my favorite black and white striped top and my new mint green skinny jeans. I snapped on my black suspenders to finish it off and slid on my black toms as well. I went into the bathroom as Harry came in to get changed.

I huffed as my hair stuck up again. I could not get it to lie down flat. I put both my hands on top of the piece and was delighted when it stayed there, but it popped back up a second later. I stomped my foot and Harry popped his head in.

“Is everything okay in here?” He smirked.

“Yeah, but my hair’s not cooperating.” I pointed to it and he laughed.

I shoved his shoulder and he gasped, pretending to be hurt. I rolled my eyes as he turned on the sink. He wet his hands and then stood behind me. A water drop fell onto my neck and I shivered as it slid down my back.

“Sorry, hold still.” He muttered.

He started patting my hair and twisting pieces and other stuff. When he stepped back the piece was lying down and my hair looked somewhat normal. I smiled at him through the mirror. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. We stared at each other through the mirror, but the smile never left my face. I dug in my pocket for my phone and took a picture of the mirror.

“Send that to me.” Harry whispered into my ear.

I nodded and he stepped back. He took my hand and I spun around to face him. He was wearing a simple white V-neck with navy blue skinny jeans and a navy blue blazer with white converse. On anyone else it wouldn’t have looked good, but on him it looked perfect.

“Ready to go?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Where are we going?” I questioned.

“We’re going to your mum’s grave first.” He took my hand and entwined our fingers together.

I squeezed his hand and tried to stop the burning in my eyes. We walked silently to his car, where he opened my door for me. I climbed in, but I instantly missed the feeling of his hand in mine. Luckily he took it again once he had backed out of the parking lot. I stared out the window the entire two hours. Harry had the radio on and he was singing softly. I smiled, listening to his sweet voice, and tried not to think about where we were going.

I was deep in thought when Harry squeezed my hand. I turned my head and saw the sign in the distance. ‘London Cemetery’ My breath hitched and I turned away from it. Ten years today.

Harry placed his other hand on my cheek and made me look at him. I tried to look tough, but my eyes were clouding and I felt weak. I probably looked pathetic.

“Hey, it’ll be okay.” He whispered soothingly.

“C-Can you stay in the car please? I don’t know, I-I’ve never brought anyone here before. No one knows I c-come here.” I felt a warm tear slide down my cheek and my voice faltered.

“Go ahead. I’ll be right here when you get back.” Harry wiped away the tear and smiled reassuringly.

“Thanks.” I whispered.

I stepped away from the car and slowly found my mum and dad’s graves. They had been buried next to each other and I thought that was very sweet. I sat down on the grass between them and sighed.

“Hi mum, hi dad. Guess what?”

I know they can’t talk to me, but I know that wherever they are they’re listening. I only come here once a year, so I have to tell them everything that’s happened.

“I have a boyfriend now. He’s really sweet and I love him a lot. He’s actually sitting in the car over there. He makes me really happy, and he got me away from Mr. Smith. In a way he’s kind of like my guardian angel.” I smiled.

Harry really is like my guardian angel. I know he’d protect me no matter what, and he promised me he’d never leave me again.

“Lily and James were our new foster parents and they adopted Darcy, the little girl who lived with us, and she really likes it there. Harry and I just bought our own flat, and everything is going great, I know you’d like him mum. He can even cook; he made me this huge breakfast this morning.” I laughed quietly.

I decided to leave out the part about him leaving because of the picture. That was irrelevant now anyways.

“I also made a new friend Jimmy. He’s really cool and he just started dating this guy Kevin that he’s liked for a while now. Harry inspired him to go after the guy of his dreams.”

I had been keeping in touch with Jimmy over emails, texts, and calls. I flat out ignored Stan, but he knew I was talking to Jimmy, because they shared a flat.

“I wish you guys were here to see how happy Harry makes me. Ever since he came into my life, everything has steadily gotten better. I miss you both so much.”

Another tears slid down my cheek and I started the song I sang every year.

(Play Song here)

 

“When I'm feeling all alone, With so far to go  
The signs are nowhere on this road, Guiding me home  
When the night is closing in, Is falling on my skin  
Oh God, will you come close  
You light, light, light up the sky, You light up the sky to show me that you are with me  
And I, I, I can't deny, No I can't deny that you are right here with me  
You've opened my eyes, So I can see you all around me  
You light, light, light up the sky, You light up the sky to show me that you are with me  
When stars are hiding in the clouds I don't feel them shining  
When I can't see beyond my doubt, The silver lining  
When I've almost reached the end, Like a flood you're rushing in  
Your love is rushing in (your love is rushing in)  
You light, light, light up the sky, You light up the sky to show me that you are with me  
And I, I, I can't deny, No I can't deny that you are right here with me  
You've opened my eyes, So I can see you all around me  
You light, light, light up the sky, You light up the sky to show me that you are with me  
So I'll run straight to your arms, You're the bright and morning sun  
To show your love there's nothing you won't do (nothing you won't do)  
You light, light, light up the sky, You light up the sky to show me that you are with me  
And I, I, I can't deny, No I can't deny that you are right here with me  
You've opened my eyes, So I can see you all around me  
You light, light, light up the sky, You light up the sky to show me that you are with me  
Oooh, oh , oh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, That you are with me  
Oooh, oh , oh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, That you are with me  
Oooh, oh , oh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh”

 

I sighed and wiped away my tears.

“That was beautiful Boo.” A deep, raspy voice said.

I turned quickly to Harry who took a step back.

“I haven’t been here very long, I just heard you singing and it sounded good, so I came to listen, sorry.” He looked down at his feet.

I patted the space next to me and he smiled, sitting next to me. He put an arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him.

“Mum, dad, this is Harry. He’s the one I was talking about.” I smiled down at the ground and Harry laced our fingers together.

We sat in silence and for a long time I just laid my head on Harry’s shoulder and stared at the gravestones.

I leaned away from Harry and stood up slowly. I held out my hand to him and pulled him up. Once we were in his car again he smiled.

“Sorry I didn’t stay in the car like you wanted me to.” He looked down at his lap.

“I’m glad you didn’t.” I leaned across the center console and pressed my lips to his.

He kissed back eagerly and I put all the love I could into it. We pulled away breathless, then Harry started the car and pulled forward.

“Where to next?” I snapped on my seatbelt.

“It’s a surprise.” He chirped happily.

“If you tell me I’ll still act surprised.” I batted my eyelashes and used my puppy dog eyes.

“Don’t give me that look.” He laughed.

“Pwease?” I said in a childish voice.

“Ugh! Fine, we’re going to the carnival.” He turned and glared at me.

“Really? I’ve always wanted to go to a carnival, but Mr. Smith wouldn’t take us.” I slumped back in my seat and pushed the thoughts of Mr. Smith away.

“Well, I had to search for a while, but I found one about half an hour from here.” Harry tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the song.

“You are too good for me, I swear.” I scoffed.

“No, I’m really not.” Harry laughed. “But I’ve been told that I’m a good romantic.” He winked.

I hate that I get butterflies every time he does that. I turned so that he wouldn’t see I was blushing.

We finally arrived at the carnival twenty minutes later and my face lit up at the sight of it. It was so much better than I had ever imagined. There were games and rides everywhere, and even a small circus tent in the middle. I blushed when I realized Harry was staring at me with a stupid grin on his face.

“What?” I looked down to make sure there wasn’t anything on me.

“You just look so childish, and it’s really cute.” He tapped my nose and I blushed again.

“So what are we going to do first?” I was practically bouncing in my seat in anticipation.

“Whatever you want babe.” Harry smirked and I followed him through the carnival gates.

“Let’s ride that.” I pointed to the biggest rollercoaster and grinned wickedly at Harry, knowing he was terrified of going on rollercoasters.

“Oh, Umm…I-I don’t know, maybe later?” Harry turned to me with a scared expression.

“I’m just messing with you. I don’t want to ride that, I think I would puke my guts out if I did, but you should have seen your face.” I laughed.

“Shut up, you know I hate rollercoasters.” Harry snapped playfully.

“That’s why it’s funny.” I said, still giggling.

“Okay, well no roller coaster, so why don’t I win you a stuffed animal like in one of those cheesy movie dates.” Harry wiggled his eyebrows.

“Okay.” I pulled him to the nearest booth and it turned out to be the classic knock the pins down. Hey, the cheesier the better.

“Easy.” Harry whispered in my ear.

He handed the guy some money, and the guy handed him three balls. My jaw dropped when he knocked all three pins down on the first hit. Even the guy behind the counter looked surprised.

“Which one babe?”

I scanned over the big stuffed animals on the wall, but one in particular caught my eye. I pointed to it and the man handed it to me. It wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t exactly small either. It was about the size of a small child. I took Harry’s hand and he laughed, as we walked away.

“Why that one?” He pointed to the bear and I smiled.

“He reminded me of you. His hair is brown and curly, and I can call him my Hazzabear.” I held it up to Harry and he blushed.

“You are too cute for your own good.” He muttered.

“How did you do that?” I furrowed my eyebrows.

“I used to play baseball.” He shrugged and took my hand again.

I smirked; this was going to be a fun night. For the next hour we walked around and played a ton of games, including bumper cars, and those giant hamster balls in the water. We were walking back from a smaller roller coaster that I had somehow convinced Harry to ride, when the lights started coming on. It was getting dark so the carnival people plugged in their lights.

I stopped and watched the colorful lights flicker until every light was on and the sky was dark. It really was beautiful. I smiled at Harry and we continued walking. We were going to the circus tent last.

I held Harry's hand tightly as we stepped inside the purple tent. I looked around at all the exotic dancers on the floor and some were even twirling in the air on silk ropes.

"Wow." I breathed.

"Come on, let’s sit down," Harry led me to the very top of the stands and we sat in the middle.

Just then a boy came out into the middle of the ring with a whip and a chair. He set them both down in the middle of the circular arena, and gave the announcer man a thumbs up.

A large tiger ran in through a small door and growled at the boy. He picked up the whip and cracked it just above the large cat's head. He proceeded to tame the tiger and at the end he was able to stand next to it and pet its head while waving at the crowd.

I watched in awe at all the different acts, but I hid my face in Harry’s shoulder when I saw a colorful wig walk into the arena, followed by balloons.

"Aww, Boobear are you scared of clowns?" Harry giggled.

I nodded my head and Harry put his arm around me, rubbing my arm, and trying to comfort me.

"They're gone." He whispered in my ear, causing me to shiver.

I peeked open one eye to make sure that they were gone. When I was satisfied that they weren't coming back I sat up and watched the tightrope walkers. Harry smiled and kissed my cheek.

"Excuse me." A teenage girl in front of us coughed and we turned to her.

"Yes?" Harry smiled down at her.

"I just wanted to say that it's great you can be in a relationship and be happy. A lot of gays don't want anyone to know about them, so they hide. I have two dads and their very happy, and I hope you guys will be the same way. I can't stand homophobic assholes." She smiled sweetly.

"Thank you." I smiled down at her.

"Yeah that means a lot, thanks." Harry grinned.

"No problem." She shook her head and then turned her attention back to the performers.

I rested my head on Harry's shoulder and sighed contently. After the last performance we left the tent and walked back to Harry's car. I carefully put my Hazzabear in the back seat and then climbed in next to Harry.

"That was an amazing date, thank you so much Harry." I pulled him on for a long kiss.

"It's not over yet." Harry smirked.

Ten minutes later we pulled up to a fancy restaurant and got out of the car. I was still shocked that he had all of this planned without me knowing. When did he do all of this?

"Follow me, love." He said in a posh accent.

I giggled, but followed Harry inside anyways.

"Do you have a reservation?" The blonde waitress asked. 

"Yeah it's under Styles." Harry gave her his award winning smile and she clicked a few things on the computer.

"Follow me please." She said sweet;y.

We followed her into a smaller section of the restaurant and she stopped at a beautiful table. There was a red cloth covering the table with two place settings. In the middle there was a vase with a single red rose and two candles sat on either side of the vase. The room was slightly darker than the rest of the place and you could faintly hear a slow, romantic song playing in the background.

Harry pulled out my chair for me and I sat down. The waiter handed us our menus and took our drink orders, then she left to get them for us.

“I can’t believe you did all of this Harry! This is the best date I’ve ever been on. I love you.”

Harry grinned and leaned over to kiss me gently. I smiled back and started looking at my menu. The waiter came back and took our orders and we talked some more until she came back with my pasta and Harry’s chicken.

When we finished eating she took our plates, and then came back with a box and a lighter. She set them down and sent Harry a wink. I raised an eyebrow at him and he laughed. He opened the box to reveal a white cake with ‘Happy Birthday Boobear’ written in Red icing and little red hearts around it. I blushed, while Harry lit the eighteen candles.

“Make a wish.” Harry whispered.

I closed my eyes and thought hard about what to wish for, then I blew out my candles. When I opened my eyes Harry was smiling.

“What did you wish for?”

“That we’ll be together forever.” I mumbled.

I was kind of embarrassed to admit that, because it sounded so cliché, but it was true. I never wanted to lose Harry again.

“Your wish it going to come true.” He picked some up with his fork and held it to my lips.

I opened my mouth and he slid the fork inside. That was probably the best cake I have ever tasted. It was vanilla, but somehow it had a chocolate taste too. And the icing was light and fluffy and tasted of cinnamon.

“Mmm, this is so good, did you make it?” I swallowed.

“Yep. Took me three hours, but it was worth it.” He handed me my fork and we ate almost half of the cake, before I couldn’t eat any more.

“Now there’s one more thing I want to show you, but we have to go somewhere else.” He smirked.

“Okay don’t take this the wrong way, but how much longer is this date?” I laughed.

“This will be our last stop, I promise.” He beamed.

We pulled up to a park down the road from our flat and Harry made me sit on the hood of the car. He held up a finger and then opened the trunk of his car. He pulled out a guitar and started strumming it. I thought he could only play the piano, but I guess he can play the guitar to.

“I wrote this for you a couple weeks ago.” He smiled fondly up at me and I grinned back.

 

“Am I sleep am I awake or somewhere in between  
I can’t believe that you are here and lying next to me  
Or did I dream that we were perfectly entwined   
Like branches on a tree, or twigs caught on a vine

 

Like all those days and weeks and months I tried to steal a kiss  
And all those sleepless nights and daydreams where I pictured this  
I’m just the underdog who finally got the girl, And I am not ashamed to tell it to the world

Truly, madly, deeply I am foolishly, completely falling  
And somehow you kicked all my walls in  
So baby say you’ll always keep me, Truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you  
in love with you

Should I put coffee and granola on a tray in bed, And wake you up with all the words that I still haven’t said  
And tender touches just to show you how I feel, Or should I act so cool, like it was no big deal

 

Wish I could freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this,I’ll put this day back on replay and keep reliving it  
‘Cause here’s the tragic truth, if you don’t feel the same  
My heart would fall apart if someone said your name

 

Truly, madly, deeply I am foolishly, completely falling, And somehow you kicked all my walls in  
So baby say you’ll always keep me, Truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you

 

I hope I’m not a casualty I hope you won’t get up and leave  
Might not mean that much to you, But to me it’s everything, Everything

Truly, madly, deeply I am foolishly, completely falling  
And somehow you kicked all my walls in  
So baby say you’ll always keep me, Truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love (in love)  
With you (with you) In love (in love) With you (with you) In love (in love) With you (with you)”

 

I jumped off of the hood of the car and ran into Harry’s arms. I kissed him roughly and slipped my tongue into his mouth, as he gripped my waist and pulled me closer to him. I pulled back for air, but I couldn’t keep the huge smile off of my face.

That night when we got back to the flat and climbed into bed, Harry pulled me into his chest and sighed contently. I scooted backwards and melted into his embrace.

“Good night, Boobear. I love you.” He brushed his lips against mine, and I smiled.

It was the perfect end to the perfect date.


	4. Chapter 4

“What is it you wanted to talk about Hazza?” I sat on the bed and ruffled Harry’s curls.

He had called me into the room, saying that he wanted to talk. I was nervous, because he’s never this serious about things. I tried to be calm, but the anxiety was getting to me.

“Remember a week ago when that girl told us she had two dads?” Harry stared at the floor as he spoke.

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“Well it got me thinking. How would you feel about us having a kid?” He bit his lip.

My entire body stiffened, and I suddenly felt like there was cotton in my mouth. I had also been thinking about it, but I had hoped Harry wouldn’t bring it up. I wasn’t ready for that yet.

“Umm…I’d love to, but not now, maybe in a few years or something, yeah?”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

I got the feeling he was lying, because his voice wasn’t all that convincing. I sighed and rested a hand on his forearm comfortingly.

“Haz, you know I love you, I’m just not ready for a kid yet. We’ve only been dating for like six months, and they’ve been amazing, but I just…”

“Yeah well it feels like it’s been six years, and I know how much you love children. You know what, never mind, it was a stupid idea. Besides, you don’t even trust me.” He shook his head.

I felt the guilt hit me like a tidal wave. He was right. I was starting to trust him again, but I still had thoughts in the back of my mind like ‘What if he left again?’ or ‘What if this is all just a joke?’. I removed my hand and sighed. I ran a hand through my hair and glanced at Harry. It was like someone took my heart and squeezed it like a wet rag, as I watched the tear trail down his cheek. I used my thumb to wipe it away, but he winced. I pulled my hand back to me like it had just been burned. I wonder if that’s how he felt when I flinched away.

“Haz, if you want a kid, then let’s get one.” I said softly.

I would do anything for Harry, and if it meant sacrificing my own happiness, then I would. I looked down and started playing with my fingers nervously, waiting for the anger. When none came I looked up to find he was staring at me with tears in his eyes.

“You still don’t trust me do you?” His voice was deeper from crying.

I wanted to cry, because I had made him cry. I felt extremely bad and I wanted nothing more than to be able to say yes, but then I’d be lying. I wanted to kiss away his tears and tell him things would be alright, but I’d still be lying.

“I will someday, it’s just hard.” I sighed.

“What’s so fucking hard about it?” He yelled. “What more do I have to do? I’ve tried everything! How can you love me, but not trust me? Or do you not love me either?” He stood up and glared down at me.

The tears were falling freely from his eyes, but I refused to cry. I sucked in a breath, appalled that he would even think that I didn’t love him. Didn’t he understand that I have trust issues? Obviously, since I was beaten and lied to for five years. I was shocked at his tone and I tried to hide the fact that my chest was aching and my hands were shaking.

“Of course I love you, how could you even think that I don’t?” I stood up and put my hand on his cheek.

He grabbed my wrist and flung it away. I winced at his harshness, but he didn’t seem to notice. I tried not to focus on how angry he was, but it just kept getting harder and harder not to.

“You aren’t the same anymore. Whenever I go to touch you, you flinch away, and you’re cutting again. I just don’t understand, I thought we had gotten past all of this!” Harry fisted his hair.

All the anger boiled up inside of me at his words. Didn’t he realize that this is his fault? And he had the nerve to go blaming me for everything!

“Yeah, well that was before you left. That was before I tried to kill myself because I felt so worthless. That was before you lost your trust in me. That was before you lied to me!” I screamed.

“Are you actually blaming me for this?” Harry said through clenched teeth.

“Yes. I. Am.” I spat.

As soon as the words left my mouth I felt a sting on my cheek and I looked up at Harry with teary eyes. I couldn’t believe he had actually slapped me. He hit me.

“Get out.” I sputtered.

“Whatever, come find me when you grow up!” Harry slammed the door.

I tried my hardest not to run after him and beg for forgiveness, because it wasn’t my fault. I watched the rain pour down outside and I twisted my ring over and read the engraving ‘Forever and Always’. I couldn’t let him leave again, I knew I had to do something. I ran towards the door and didn’t bother closing it behind me. I saw Harry walking through the lobby doors and I rushed after him, feeling pathetic for being this desperate.

“Wait Harry!” I yelled over the rain.

He kept walking, and I panicked. I spit out the first thing that came to my mind, which made me feel even more pathetic.

“Please don’t leave me again. I need you! Please stop! I love you!” My voice cracked and my tears mixed with the rain falling from the dark sky.

Harry stopped in the middle of the road and turned his body to face me, so that I could see his red, tear stained face. He opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by a screeching sound. I watched in horror as he turned his head to the left and his eyes squinted at the bright headlights.

The car slammed into him and he flew about three feet in the air, before falling to the ground with a horrifying thud. I stood frozen in my spot with sobs racking my entire body, causing me to fall to my knees and crawl over to where he was lying motionless on his back. I lifted his arm and placed it around my shoulder, then I laid my head on his chest. I strained my ears to hear his heartbeat, but there was nothing. I clutched at his shirt and released a shaky breath. This can’t be happening.

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered over and over again.

It’s your fault. I buried my face into his shirt as the rain poured down harder and thunder boomed. Every time a sob would come, my whole body with shake and I would clutch onto Harry.

He can’t be gone. I need him. He’s my everything, my whole world. I can’t go through this again. I love him so much. He’s all I have left. Why does everything good have to be ripped away from me?

I felt someone tugging my shoulder, but I ignored the paramedic and gripped Harry tighter, hoping and praying that his eyes would flutter open revealing stunning Green eyes. I was pulled away kicking and screaming by two paramedics who held me down, while another put a hand on Harry’s neck.

“There’s no pulse.” His voice was like a stab in the heart.

“No!” A shrill scream echoed in the air, and I jumped back in shock.

It wasn’t until I was forced into a police car that I realized the scream was my own. My entire world had come crashing down and I was feeling lightheaded. The world around me began to spin, but then it turned a bright white, so I closed my eyes trying to make it go away, but everything just turned black. I slumped over in the seat and used up all of my strength to say what was on my mind.

“I’m so sorry Harry, I love you. Please forgive me.”

A tear ran down my cheek and I sighed, before feeling the world drift away from me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Cliffhanger >:) I’m so evil! I felt like this story was getting boring, so I had to give you some drama. That last chapter was just the calm before the storm…  
> Don’t forget to check out my new Larry “Roads Untraveled” if you haven’t already.  
> -Claire (The evil one) >:)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter; I think it’s sucky, because it’s just a filler, and it’s terrible. Sorry!:(  
> Did you honestly think I would kill Harry? I did kind of a twist on the memory loss thing, but don’t worry, you’ll like it :)

Harry’s POV

The first thing I realized was that something was pinning my arm down. The second thing I realized was that I was in a hospital, I could tell by the smell. I cracked open my eyes and ignored the blinding lights as I looked at what was pinning my arm down. I smiled to myself at the Blue-eyed boy laying his head on my arm, and holding my hand tightly with his.

A nurse came into the room and smiled at me before pressing a button on the wall. A few minutes later my doctor walked in with a clipboard.

“Good afternoon Mr. Styles. I’m Dr. Darren.” He glanced down at his clipboard. “Mr. Tomlinson has been keeping you company since last night. We had to literally force him into the police car, and then he passed out.” He smiled at the boy and then laughed quietly.

Louis decided to wake up at that moment and when he saw I was awake he flung himself at me. I let out a slight yelp, but I hugged him back. He squeezed me tightly and I winced. He pulled back and grinned down at me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m just so glad you’re okay.” His grin widened.

“What actually happened to me? Why am I here?” I looked towards the doctor and he frowned.

“You were hit by a car, and your leg is broken.” He raised an eybrow.

“I got hit by a car!” I sat up quickly.

“Haz, what’s today?” Louis said in a weak voice.

“December 9th.” I raised an eyebrow.

Louis slapped a hand over his mouth and a tear fell from his eye. I also heard an ‘Oh Dear’ from the doctor and the nurse gasped. I looked at them all with a questioning glance.

“It’s actually January 4th. You hit your head pretty hard, so you must have lost some of your memory, about three weeks’ worth. It should come back sooner or later.” Dr. Darren shrugged

***

Louis’s POV

He doesn’t remember. His memory stops a few days before he got mad and left. He doesn’t know about the picture, he doesn’t know about me trying to kill myself, he doesn’t know I don’t trust him, he doesn’t know about our fight. Maybe this isn’t such a bad thing.

“When can I take him home?” I asked the doctor.

“You could take him home now if you like. Just sign him out at the front desk. You are eighteen correct?”

“Yeah.” I ran a hand through my hair.

“What? I don’t remember your birthday. Please tell me I did something special for you.” Harry whined.

“We’ll talk about it at home.” I whispered.

I waited until Harry was steady on the crutches and then we went down to the lobby so I could check him out of the hospital. As I was signing the papers, the receptionist kept smiling at me and winking. I shifted uncomfortably and slid the papers back to her.

“Okay now just put your phone number here and you’re good to go.” She winked again.

The paper she gave me was blank and I knew that it had nothing to do with releasing Harry. I looked at Harry for help. He somehow balanced on one crutch and wrapped his arm around my waist. I stepped closer to him and looked nervously between him and the girl.

“That won’t be necessary.” He practically growled.

“Oh, I didn’t realize- I’m sorry.” She blushed.

“Don’t worry about it.” I waved her off and slipped out of Harry’s grip.

“Come on Haz, let’s go home.” I forced a smile.

He shot her one more glare, before hobbling forward on his crutches. I love the possessive side of Harry, it’s so hot. I smirked and helped Harry into his car. It was a good thing he had been teaching me to drive, otherwise we’d be walking. I buckled my seatbelt and started the car, but Harry grabbed my hand, causing me to stop. He leaned in so that our faces were just inches apart, and my breath hitched.

“You’re mine.” He whispered.

He captured my lips in a sweet kiss and I rested my hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer. He ran his tongue across my bottom lip, so I opened my mouth and rubbed our tongues together, as my stomach filled with butterflies. When he nibbled on my bottom lip I pulled away and sighed.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He grinned.

I put my hands back on the steering wheel and pulled out of the parking lot. I was thinking about whether or not to tell Harry that he left when his voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

“What’s that?” He pointed to my hand.

“It’s the promise ring you got me for my birthday.” I laughed.

“What was my promise?” He pulled my hand towards him and looked closely at the ring.

“You gave it to me the day after my birthday, you were really upset because you forgot to give it to me, but I still loved it. You promised that you’d love me forever and never leave me.” I smiled.

I decided to leave out the part about him saying he’d never leave again. I think it’ll be better to leave that alone. He’ll remember it soon anyways. He examined the ring for a little while longer, then he let my hand go.

Every time I glanced at Harry I noticed his eyes were drooping. When we got home I helped him lie down and propped his foot up. I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me on top of him. I giggled and he brushed our lips together sweetly.

“Stay and cuddle with me.” He laughed.

“If you insist.” I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face.

“Oh don’t pretend you don’t want to.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me flush against him.

I giggled and slid off of him, but I left my head on his chest. He kissed the top of my head and then fell asleep. I did to a few minutes later.

**

“Hurry up Boo, we’re already an hour late.” Harry huffed.

“I’m trying, but your stuff is heavy.” I whined.

“You know I would carry it if I could.” He sighed.

“I know, I was just kidding.” I kissed his cheek.

It took me forever to convince him to let me carry his stuff, because he insisted that he could carry his own stuff. I couldn’t let him do that though, he’s hurt. I knew he’d do the same thing for me if our roles were switched.

When we were finally in the car and I convinced Harry to sit in the backseat so he could prop his foot up, I started the two hour drive back to London. Liam had found Zayn two days ago roaming the streets, the same day Harry was hit by that car. Liam had called and asked us to come visit, because he had something important to talk to us about. He sounded really serious so we packed up and now we’re on our way there.

“Louis, I miss you.” Harry groaned.

“I’m right here, you can see me.” I laughed.

“I know, but I can’t touch you.” He leaned his head back against the window.

“I just let you touch me last night.” I winked at him through the rearview mirror.

“That’s not what I meant. I want to hold your hand.” He poked out his bottom lip adorably and pouted.

I twisted my arm around and stuck it between the two front seats, so that Harry could hold my hand. His faze softened as he took my hand and placed a gentle kiss on my knuckles.

“That looks uncomfortable. I can wait until we get there if you promise to cuddle with me.” He trailed kisses up my arm, causing me to shiver.

“Don’t I always?” I scoffed, pulling my arm back into the front of the car.

“You’re my cuddle bear. Get it, because I call you Boobear?” He laughed.

“I think you’re tired babe, why don’t you go to sleep.” I suggested.

“O-okay.” He yawned.

I knew he was tired! He always starts acting all mushy and weird whenever he’s tired. It’s times like these when I realize how much I know about Harry and vice versa. We really were meant for each other, and I won’t let anyone tear us apart again. He’s gaining my trust slowly but surely.

**

As soon as we stepped through the doors of Harry’s old house, I could sense that something was wrong. Harry immediately grabbed my hand as soon as we were out of the car. Ever since we left the hospital he has been really clingy, but I don’t really mind. It’s kind of cute.

“Hello?” Harry called through the house.

“We’re in the living room!” Liam shouted back.

We shared a confused look before going into the living room and sitting on the couch next to Liam. Harry slumped against my shoulder and I put my arm around him and tugged him closer. He reached for my other hand and squeezed it tightly.

“We wanted you to come, because there’s something we need to talk about.” Liam crossed his arms over his chest with a serious look.

“Okay then, what is it?” Harry nuzzled into my side more as he spoke.

I don’t know what is up with him lately. He’s so touchy feely and he won’t leave me alone for more than five minutes. It’s not a bad thing, but I just want to know why he’s doing it. He’s never acted like this.

“A lot’s happened in this last month. Zayn ran away, I realized that I like Niall, and Harry, you and Louis are fighting more than normal.” Liam sighed.

“Hold on! You like Niall?” I looked at Liam.

“Yes, now as I was saying, we are falling apart. All of us. So, we’re going to a resort for a week so we can all reconnect. Louis, would you ask Niall to come?”

“Yeah, but where are we going?” I cleared my throat.

“Twist beach resort. It’s got pools, a restaurant, and it sits on a beach. We’ll each have our own rooms, except you two will be sharing one.” He gestured to us.

“It turns out my real parents owned the resort, so the new owners are letting us stay a week for free.” Zayn stared at the floor as he spoke.

“That sounds great.” Harry said thoughtfully.

“Yeah, when are we leaving?” I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Next Friday after school, we’ll meet here and then go.” Liam leaned back against the couch.

“Okay.” Harry and I said together.

**

The next two days passed in a blur. Everything was extremely tense. Zayn didn’t say more than three words the entire time, Liam kept glancing around nervously, Jane and Sam were running around trying to clean up and take care of everyone, and Harry was clinging to me like a child to its mother. I was actually relieved when we had to go home.

“Well, that was…awkward.” Harry sighed.

I had allowed him to sit in the front seat now that his leg was stable, but I was still the one driving. I checked that he was alright before looking at the road again. I didn’t say anything, because what was I supposed to say? I had a headache and I really just wanted him to shut up, even thought that sounds mean.

“Going to the beach should be fun.” He mumbled.

It won’t be fun. I can’t even take my shirt off without getting stares from people because of my bruises and scars. I hate that everywhere I go people point and stare and some even have the nerve to ask me about it! It’s just another reason why I hate people.

“Yeah.” I grunted.

He nodded his head and stared out the window as we drove the rest of the way in silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but a comfortable one in which my headache subsided.

When we finally got home Larry greeted us at the door and Harry bent down to pick him up and hold him to his face. I giggled, watching the cuteness of the scene in front of me.

“Ninja Larry!” Harry yelled, then he threw Larry at me.

Luckily I caught the poor kitten, who really did look like a ninja when he was flying through the air towards me. I petted his head and tried to look mad, but I ended up laughing.

“Haz! You can’t throw a cat, its animal cruelty.” I scoffed.

Harry rolled his eyes and took Larry back from me.

“We’ll be in the living room. When you learn how to have fun, come find us.” He stuck his nose in the air and stalked into the living room with Larry meowing the whole way.

How did I get stuck with this idiot? I laughed as I grabbed an apple from the fridge and went to find my cat and the boy I love.


	6. Chapter 6

“Louis, are you almost ready to go?” Harry leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms.

“No. My TOMS won’t all fit in this bag.” I whined.

I tried shoving the last three pairs in, but they just wouldn’t fit. I groaned in frustration and hit my bag, hoping that it would expand or something,

“Do you have to bring all of them?” He chuckled.

“Yes.” I pouted.

Was he suggesting I leave my babies behind? I would certainly not!

“Give them here.” He held out his hand, still laughing quietly.

“What are you going to do with them?” I narrowed my eyes.

I’m very possessive of my TOMS, and I don’t like it when other people touch them. I studied Harry carefully as he shook his head. I handed them over slowly and he unzipped the bag by his feet and stuck them in it.

“There. When we get there you can get them out of my bag. Now can we please go?” Harry huffed.

“Give me your bag.” I sighed dramatically.

He was still on crutches, and therefore he couldn’t carry anything. He bent down slowly to pick it up and handed it to me afterward. I grabbed my bag from the bed and we went downstairs to his car.

We arrived at Harry’s old house two hours later and I threw our bags into Liam’s trunk, before getting into his car with Harry. Zayn had stretched out on the back seat and was already asleep. Liam was driving, but he kept glancing over at Niall with loving eyes, to which Niall was oblivious, because he was in the passenger seat singing some random song on the radio. Harry and I were sitting in the middle seats. I allowed Harry to rest his legs on my lap, but only because one of them was broken. His upper body was slumped against the door and his head was leant back against the window. I smiled, seeing how adorable he looks when he’s sleeping.

Three hours later we drove through two metal gates with the words ‘Twist Beach Resort’ Painted in white letters on them. Liam talked to the guard for a minute, and then we drove through another set of gates, and up to a tall glass building.

I cupped Harry’s cheek gently and rubbed my thumb over his soft skin until his eyes opened. He stifled a groan, then sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“We’re here babe.” I said softly.

“Finally.” He mumbled.

He stared into my eyes for a few seconds, as if he was deep in thought, and then he leaned forward and put a hand around my neck, as he pulled me in for a kiss. I heard gags from Niall and Liam, and a puking noise from Zayn who had also just woken up.

“Can’t that wait until you’re in your room?” Liam shuddered.

I blushed deeply and looked down at my lap, biting my lip. Harry put two fingers under my chin and made me look back at him. He grinned and kissed my cheek. I grinned back and he let his hand drop.

“We’ll make sure to keep the PDA to a minimum when you’re around then yeah?” Harry laughed.

“Please do.” Niall scoffed.

Harry smirked at me and wiggled his eyebrows. I laughed, already knowing that we were going to use that against them. Harry laughed with me and put his arm over my shoulders. I leaned my head on his shoulder and yawned.

“Aww, is Lou-Lou tired?” Harry cooed.

“Yes.” I grumbled.

“Why didn’t you sleep on the way here?” Harry said in a more serious tone.

“I’ve never been able to sleep in cars.” I shrugged.

Harry nodded and looked out the window at the building we had finally come to a stop at. It was the taller of the two, and was a turquoise color. We all got out, but I had to help Harry, and get his crutches from the trunk. I wonder if this is how he felt when I was on crutches.

We entered the building and checked in with the receptionist at the desk. We were all on the same floor, just in three different rooms. It was supposed to be four, but it turned out that Niall couldn’t be in a room by himself because he wasn’t sixteen or older, he was only fifteen. I suggested he share with Liam, since they were closer than him and Zayn. Harry, Zayn, and I all shared a quick knowing look, as Liam said it would be fine. Niall grinned happily, but then again, when wasn’t Niall happy?

It didn’t occur to me that we would have to ride in an elevator until we were standing in front of one. I stopped in my tracks and stared in horror at the metal death trap before me. I turned to Harry, to see he had raised an eyebrow at me. I tried to stop my hands from shaking as I spoke.

“I’ll meet you guys up there. I think I’m going to take the stairs.” I rushed out quickly.

Great. Now they’re going to think I really am a freak. I am though, so what does it matter? I stared at my navy blue TOMS and played nervously with the hem of my t-shirt, which was actually Harry’s t-shirt. No one said anything for a while, so I forced myself to look up. Everyone was gone except for Harry. I looked around confused for a second, before Harry put his arm around my waist.

“Are you alright?” His eyes were filled with concern, and that made me feel weak at the knees.

“Yeah, I just don’t like elevators.” I shook my head. “It’s like walking into a box of death.”

Harry snorted and I glared at him, instantly pulling away from him. I didn’t expect him to fall. I squatted down next to him and a bunch of apologies came falling out of my mouth as I helped him to his feet, and handed him his crutches back. He eventually put a hand over my mouth and frowned.

“Stop apologizing, I shouldn’t have laughed. That was rude, I’m sorry.” He lowered his head, and I smiled.

It’s amazing how much I adore him. He’s my everything, and I know I couldn’t live without him. It doesn’t matter if I don’t trust him fully yet, I still love him more than anything in the world. Okay, when did my life turn into one of those cliché romance novels?

“That’s alright, it’s just another stupid fear of mine.” I shrugged.

“Well I can’t exactly walk up stairs, and I’m not letting you walk alone, so will you get on if I’m there with you.” He asked hesitantly.

I bit my lip again and thought it over. There was no way I was going to let Harry climb the stairs on crutches, but I really didn’t want to get in the elevator even if Harry was there with me. I shook my head vigorously as the flashbacks started.

 

“Louis, honey will you go down to the lobby and get a luggage cart for me?” My mum called from the kitchen in the hotel we were staying at.

We had gone to my aunt’s house for her wedding, but we were leaving today and had just finished packing everything up and now all we had to do was load it into our car, but we needed a luggage cart for that.

“Sure mum, I’ll be right back!” I jumped up from my spot on the couch and jogged down the hall to the elevator.

I stepped inside once the door opened, and pressed the first floor button. I was halfway down when the elevator came to an abrupt halt that caused me to stumble backwards. I regained my balance quickly and ran to the buttons to see why it had stopped, but since I was only seven I didn’t understand why it had stopped so suddenly. I panicked and started screaming for someone to help me, but no one did.

A half hour passed and I was sobbing on the floor, gasping for air. The small space had almost run out of air and it was extremely hot. I pounded my fists on the door, screaming at the top of my lungs for another ten minutes before the doors finally opened and a fireman pulled me out.

 

“Lou- Boobear!” Harry grabbed my shoulders, and I opened my eyes, not realizing I had shut them.

I also didn’t know I had fallen down. I was on the ground now, and a thin layer of sweat was covering my body. I shot up and pressed myself against Harry. He hugged me tightly and brushed the hair from my eyes. I sniffled into his shoulder, while he rubbed soothing circles on my back. And whispered sweet nothings into my ear.

“Why does this keep happening?” I pulled my head back so I could look him in the eyes.

“Why does what keep happening?” He wiped away a stray tear that had fallen down my cheek.

“That’s the third time in the last two months that that’s happened.” I stood up and helped Harry up.

“What exactly did happen? All I know is you get this dazed look in your eyes and then you start sobbing and screaming random things.” Harry sighed. “It’s quite scary actually. Especially when I can’t get you to snap out of it.” He pushed his curls out of his eyes.

“Sorry, it’s just…certain things trigger memories. I guess I kind of go back to it and it’s like it’s happening all over again. I don’t have any control over my body when I’m there, so I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Harry kissed my forehead sweetly and then put his arm around my waist once again. I leaned into him slightly, so that I didn’t knock him over. He kissed the top of my head too and I sighed.

“Would you get mad if I asked you to get into the elevator with me?” Harry whispered carefully.

“No, I guess not, but I’m not going to like this one bit.” I groaned.

“I’m not asking you to like it.” Harry smirked cheekily. “Close your eyes and hold onto me.“ He turned around.

I couldn’t hold his hand because he was holding his crutches, so I grabbed the back of his shirt and shut my eyes tightly. We awkwardly stumbled into the elevator and I let go of Harry. I opened my eyes for a split second, but I shut them again when I felt the walls closing in on me. I reached out trying to find Harry, but he put a hand on my lower back and pushed me forward. I pressed my face to his chest and counted his heartbeats to keep myself occupied. I jumped when I heard the ding and Harry somehow managed to get us both out.

I let go of him and opened my eyes, slowly taking in my surroundings. Harry hopped forward and to the right. I assumed he was going to our room so I followed. He balanced on one crutch and slid the small plastic card into the slot above the door handle. The door made a clicking noise and then Harry pushed it open. The bedroom was on the right as soon as you walked in. I dropped our bags on the bed and left to go explore the rest of the room.

It had a kitchen, small living room, one bedroom, and a balcony. It wasn’t the biggest room, but it was perfect for us. I cautiously stepped out onto the balcony that overlooked the sandy beach. The sun had just started to set, so it was a beautiful view. I leaned my elbow on the railing and my head in my hand, as I listened to the waves crashing on the shore.

I watched a little girl playing on the beach as her mother tanned. A small smile came to my lips. Maybe I did want a kid with Harry. Maybe in a year or two, or whenever he remembers he wants one, we can adopt one. It’s physically impossible for us to actually have a kid. The truth is, I’d do anything to make Harry happy. He deserves to be happy for all that he’s done for me.

An arm snaked its way around my waist and I leaned against Harry, my smile becoming bigger. I stretched up to kiss him quickly before hugging him.

“Thank you, for everything. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I stepped away and kissed him again.

He shoved his tongue into my mouth, so as payback I bit down on it lightly. He pulled away giggling, and I frowned up at him.

“I was trying to make that a sweet moment, but you ruined it.” I pouted.

“I’m sorry Boobear.” Harry pulled me in for another kiss. “Better.” He hummed.

“Mhhm” I yawned, leaning into his chest.

“Let’s go to bed.” He chuckled.

I dragged my feet back to our room and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, and Harry’s chest was pressed against my back.


	7. Chapter 7

“Louis get up!” Harry yelled again.

I ignored him and rolled to the opposite end of the bed. I was just about to fall asleep again when something hit the back of my head. I opened my eyes and glared at Harry.

“If you don’t want me to hit you with the pillow again, I suggest you get up.” He squinted his eyes with a smirk.

“I don’t want to.” I grumbled.

“Come on Lou, I want to go to the pool so I can work on my tan.” He whined.

“Then go.” I flipped over again and sighed.

I shot up when he hit me with the pillow again. I gave him a ‘What the fuck?’ look, but he just shrugged and raised the pillow again.

“I want you to go with me.” He pleaded.

“No,” I groaned. “I hate taking off my shirt, because people always stare at my scars and bruises like I’m, some circus freak.”

“Well most of them have healed now, so maybe it won’t be so bad. Besides, you can just swim with a shirt on if you want to deprive me of my sexual desires.” Harry said sarcastically.

I frowned and looked at Harry as he smirked. I could practically hear the gears turning in his head. He leaned down close to my ear and blew a hot breath against my neck. I shuddered and looked at him with a questioning gaze.

“I have a surprise for you later, but you won’t get it if you don’t get up.” He pouted.

“Really?” My face twitched into a grin and I put my hand on the back of Harry’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

“Yep.” Harry grinned.

I grudgingly got up and threw on my blue swim trunks. I took Harry’s hand in my own and we skipped down to the pool where the others were already swimming around.

I stretched out my legs and played with the hem of my shirt. I could feel my skin becoming tanner, and I didn’t want to get those awkward tan lines from my T-shirt. I glanced around and sighed when I noticed there were only two other people there besides Liam, Niall, Zayn, Harry and I.

“its fine Lou, just take it off.” Harry sighed.

“How did you know I was thinking about taking my shirt off? You have your eyes closed.” I scoffed.

Harry was in the pool chair beside mine with nothing but a pair of red and white checkered swim trunks and a pair of black Ray Bans covering his closed eyes. He had his fingers locked behind his head and he was lying directly in the sun. The way he was laying just made him look even sexier.

“You were thinking out loud.” He chuckled. “You do that a lot.” He added.

I didn’t answer, because I was embarrassed and I could feel my cheeks flushing red. I gripped the bottom of my shirt tightly and slowly pulled it over my head. I threw it to the side by my towel and blushed even harder when I saw that Harry was watching me.

“Enjoying the view?” I smirked.

“Oh yes. I’m enjoying it a lot.” Harry licked his lips seductively.

“Stop that.” I scolded.

“Stop what?” He asked innocently. “I’ll be in the pool.” He jumped up before I could reply and cannon- balled into the pool.

I let out a scream that was most certainly not girly and high pitched, because that would be absurd. I shivered as the cold water made contact with my warm skin. Liam, Zayn, and Niall all laughed at my reaction and I swore under my breath.

I stood up and walked to the edge of the pool while I waited for Harry to come up for air. When he did I jumped in right next to him. When I came back up I put both of my hands on his shoulders and shoved his head underwater for a few seconds.

He started gasping for air when I finally let him back up and he looked at me with a crazy look in his eyes. I giggled and kissed his cheek so he wouldn’t get mad at me.

“Let’s play chicken!” He shouted suddenly.

Niall, Liam, and Zayn all voiced their approvals and before I knew it, Niall was on Liam’s shoulder’s and I was on Harry’s.

“Shake hands.” Liam said in an official sounding voice.

Niall and I shook hands while laughing, but Liam and Harry were completely serious as they shook hands. I tugged Harry’s curls and he looked up at me. I leaned down so that my face was only inches from his.

“We have to win okay.” I whispered quietly.

“Oh we are so gonna win!” Harry said loudly enough for Liam and Niall to hear him.

I laughed and kissed Harry sweetly before sitting back up as Harry walked forwards toward Liam and Niall.

“On three. One. Two. Three!” Liam charged at Harry and I put out my arms.

Niall grabbed my arms and shoved me backwards, but I caught his hand and pulled myself up. I poked his stomach with one of my fingers and he started laughing uncontrollably as I poked his side and then his stomach multiple times. When he had stopped fighting back and was just laughing I gave him one final shove and he fell into the water, taking Liam down with him.

“We won.” Harry sing-songed.

He high fived me and winked. I laughed at Niall, who was demanding a rematch and saying that tickling was cheating. We spent the next half-hour playing chicken. I stayed on Harry’s shoulders and Niall and Zayn and Liam all switched out every round.

**

“You have to wear this.” Harry held up a blindfold and I raised an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“Dou you want your surprise or not?” Harry rolled his eyes.

“Yes. Fine, I’ll wear it.” I snatched the blind fold from Harry and tied it around my eyes.

“Perfect.” Harry giggled.

I pinched his side lightly and he yelped. I smiled sweetly and searched blindly for his hand so he could lead me.

“Let’s go Haribo!” I whined.

“Haribo? Like the gummy bears?” Harry laughed.

“Well, you are my Hazzabear.” I grinned.

I felt a pair of soft lips press to mine, but just as I was about to deepen the kiss, he pulled away. Then I was being led down a hallway and out of the door.

The walk was silent, but it was a comfortable one. Harry was clutching my hand tightly and leading me somewhere. The only thing I could figure out was that we were outside, because I could feel the cool breeze hitting my face.

I felt sand beneath my feet and I could faintly hear the waves rolling across the sand. I stopped and turned my head towards where I thought Harry would be.

“Are we on the beach?”

“Yes.” Harry replied.

He led me further and then stopped me. He untied the blindfold and it took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, before I slapped a hand over my mouth in surprise.

There was a purple blanket with a picnic basket in the middle of it. Little candles illuminated the small area and I could faintly make out the rose petals that caused the air to have a sweet smell. It was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me. I tackled Harry in a hug and kissed him roughly.

“When did you do all of this?” I asked, still in awe.

“I had a little help from the others.” He smiled and pecked my lips again.

“Thank you, it’s beautiful.” I breathed deeply and closed my eyes, trying to savor the moment.

Harry pressed his chest to my back and he wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. He kissed my cheek and I opened my eyes to kiss his lips for a long moment. It amazes me that I still get butterflies when we kiss.

We sat down on the blanket and Harry pulled out all of my favorite foods. We laughed, talked, and ate until the sky was so dark you couldn’t see anything. The darkness only made the candle light more romantic, and I was still shocked that Harry had done all this when we’d only been here three days.

“Open up.” Harry grinned and held up a spoonful of something that looked like a mix between pudding and cake.

I opened my mouth without hesitation, knowing that Harry’s cooking was the best thing in the world. He slid the spoon into my mouth and I moaned with delight at the sweet flavor that engulfed my tongue. I was about to swallow when Harry grabbed my chin and pulled my mouth open. He stuck his tongue into my mouth and stole some of the pudding, then smirked at me. I sat there in shock, because it was like a kiss, but he stole my food. It was also incredibly hot. I quickly filled up my fork to return the favor.

We finished the cake and then just sat kissing and cuddling together on the blanket.

Harry deepened the kiss after a while and I kissed back feverishly. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip and I opened up for him, fighting back a grin at the familiar minty taste of his tongue. He licked along the roof of my mouth and I groaned.

I slowly lay down, making him come with me. He ended up straddling my waist with his hands on either side of my face. His hand slowly moved up my chest to cradle my cheek, holding it there as the kiss got even more heated.

I fumbled with Harry’s jacket to remove it from his shoulders. I tossed it to the side then placed my hands on Harry’s arms, still kissing his lips passionately. I quietly moaned into the kiss, taking in the scent of Harry’s aftershave while my hands roamed his chest under his shirt.

Pulling away from the kiss, Harry licked his lips with his eyes still on me. He reached out to take off my jacket before he threw it close to his own, keeping his eyes on my navy-blue button down shirt. He moaned low in his throat then gripped the material, his fingers slowly unfastening each button while his lips found mine again.

He threw my shirt to the sand then ran his hands up and down my bare chest, making small goose bumps appear on my skin from his soft touch. He broke the kiss then bit his lip while his eyes took in my body, I felt him harden slightly against me and I blushed.

I lifted my hands, letting my fingers work to open each of the buttons on Harry’s shirt. I craned my neck and kissed Harry’s neck before I slowly pushed the material away from his shoulders, making it fall down his back. I kissed Harry’s neck then licked around in a small circle, gently grasping the skin between my teeth and biting down.

Harry quietly moaned through a gasp. He breathed out heavily as I ran my tongue across the red mark I had left before I kissed it then lifted my head to meet his gaze.

As we kissed, I dropped my hands to sit at his bum, giving his cheeks a soft squeeze through the material of his black trousers. He smiled against my lips when I moaned into his mouth as he slowly began to grind our crotches together, making us both harder than before.

I pulled away from the kiss and quickly swallowed, feeling a sudden rush of sexual excitement spreading around my body. I moved a hand down Harry’s stomach then let it spread out on his bulge, hearing Him gasp at the contact. I smiled as I moved my hand back and forth, feeling the shape of Harry’s cock between my thumb and finger.

“Getting hard for me already, baby?” I softly teased, staring back into Harry’s eyes while I kept up the movement of my hand.

Harry groaned in response, and ground down harder onto me.

“Want you, Lou.” He moaned out, giving me wide eyes and an innocent pout.

Letting out a quiet moan, I dropped my hand away then quickly unfastened Harry’s belt. He then popped open the button and pulled down the zip. I used my other hand to push the black trousers down His bum. Harry kicked them away and attached his lips to my neck. I glanced at the obvious bulge pressing against Harry’s boxers, making my own throb in excitement.

I pushed his boxers down then took his cock into my hand, giving him quick strokes to make him moan loudly. Harry lifted his head and kissed my lips softly as my hand kept up the same fast speed, feeling his cock pulse in my palm.

“Louis, please.” Harry moaned, suddenly breaking the kiss. “I need you- need you to, please.”

“I’m gonna give you everything you want.” I assured him, brushing my lips against his as he moved his hands away. “I want you on all fours.” I grunted.

He nodded then quickly turned around and climbed up onto his hands and knees. I licked my lips at the view of Harry on the blanket with his bum in the air, ready and waiting for me to do something that would make him feel good. I unbuckled my belt and quickly unfastened my trousers before I pushed them down my legs along with my boxers. I kicked off my shoes then stepped out of my clothes to crawl over to Harry, lifting myself up to kneel behind him.

I let my hands roam up and down Harry’s lower back, and quietly moaned at the sight in front of me.

I leaned forward to leave soft kisses on each of Harry’s round, soft cheeks. I stuck out my tongue and licked a wet strip along Harry’s hole, making him gasp aloud. I lifted one hand up to pull Harry’s right cheek to the side, allowing me to see a clearer view of his hole before I licked all around it. My tongue left a wet shine from my saliva all around the circle of his hole, making the skin glisten.

“Fuck, Louis.” Harry moaned, gripping his hands on the blanket as I pushed my tongue in and out of him.

I groaned at the feeling that tingled in my stomach, making my arousal only increase.

“Fuck that feels good. Right there, Lou.” He moaned.

I continued to lick in and out of Harry, going slow to make it more intimate. I pulled away to lick all around the circle again, then I moved back to push my tongue inside like before, making him gasp once again. I kept up the rhythm of moving my tongue in and out of him before I pulled it back out, so I could put my finger in my mouth, making it fully wet.

Bringing my finger away from my lips, I lifted it up to His hole. I moved my finger around the entrance again before I slowly eased it inside, hearing Harry moan at the intrusion. I moved my finger in and out in slow thrusts, letting him get used to the feeling of being stretched.

“Louis, please. I need it.” He begged, turning his head back so that he could look at me.

I groaned at Harry’s eagerness and reached out with my other hand to grab his hand and entwine our fingers. I carefully pulled my finger out then kissed his left cheek before lifting myself up and wrapping my arms around Harry’s waist to help him sit back on his knees. I kissed Harry’s shoulder then moved my lips towards his ear.

“I want you to ride my cock, Harry. Can you do that?”

“Yeah, anything for you, Babe.” Harry moaned then nodded his head.

I kissed his shoulder again as Harry reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a bottle of lube and handed it to me sheepishly.

“Did you plan this?” I scoffed

“I knew it would happen one way or another.” Harry grinned.

I wrapped a hand around my cock, bringing myself to full hardness, then I flicked open the lid of the bottle to pour some of the cool liquid into my hand before I closed it again and chucked it to the side.

Harry watched as I spread the lube all over my cock, making sure I was completely coated.

“It’s all yours, baby.” I moved my hands away from my slicked cock and wiggled my eyebrows.

Harry straddled me, reaching out to grab my hand for support. His other hand moved behind him to take hold of my cock and guide it closer to his hole.

As soon as I felt the head of my cock ease into him we both let out a low moan. He briefly closed his eyes while he familiarized himself to the feeling of being full. It was something I can’t describe, but I loved that feeling more than anything else.

I lifted my hands to place them at Harry’s hips, while he lowered himself further down, taking in more of me. The air was filled with moans from both of us as we felt nothing but pleasure.

Once Harry had taken most of my cock inside of him, he stopped and reached both of his hands down to rest against my stomach. He slowly lifted himself up only to drop back down, letting out a loud moan. He repeated the same action over and over, starting to create a rhythm of bouncing up and down.

“Fuck yeah, ride my dick.” I moaned, glancing up towards Harry’s face.

I could feel my cock throbbing from the pleasure that Harry was giving me, and I knew Harry was enjoying it too, because his face was screwed up and he was letting out little breathy moans.

“This feels so good.” I whispered.

Harry moaned in agreement, picking up the pace to take my cock faster than before.

“Oh, fuck! You feel so good inside of me, Lou.” He breathlessly moaned, staring back down into my eyes as he slammed himself up and down. “I love your cock so much.”

“Yeah? Show me how much you love it. Bounce up and down for me, baby.” I moaned, dropping my hands from Harry’s hips to join behind my head, letting Harry have full control.

He moaned as he leant forward with his hands on my chest, lifting up and sitting down at a faster pace. He lifted one hand towards his crotch to wrap it around his hard cock, giving himself quick strokes while he continued to take me in and out of him.

“Pound your cock into me, Lou. I want it hard.” Harry breathlessly stated.

I moaned lowly then lifted my hands back to Harry’s hips, making sure I had a tight grip on them. I carefully lifted my legs slightly to bend at the knees before I bucked my hips, repeatedly pounding my cock hard into Harry like he had asked. He moaned again, and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Fuck you’re so tight, feels so good!” I thrusted my hips harder and Harry let out a long, sexy moan.

“Louis, I’m getting close!” Harry suddenly warned, not stopping the rapid strokes he was giving to his cock.

He moaned over and over when I pushed up to thrust against his prostate, making his muscles tighten and his body shake.

“I’m gonna cum! Fuck, Louis.” He groaned

“Cum for me, baby.” I moaned, watching Harry come apart and jerk forward.

I slowed down my thrusts and dropped my legs again while Harry came on my stomach in between his breathless moans and heavy breathing.

I carefully pulled out of him, but he surprised me by grabbing my cock and quickly stroking it to bring me closer to my own climax.

“Fuck, Harry. Gonna cum!” I almost screamed.

Harry moaned and lifted himself off of me to sit beside me on the blanket. He watched as I covered my stomach in cum, leaving small streaks close to where Harry’s landed. His hand reached out to scoop up some of my cum to bring it to his lips, allowing himself to taste it. I moaned as I watched hi seductively kitten lick it off of his fingers.

He dropped his hand then turned his head towards me, giving me a smile. I let out a long breath, feeling exhausted and finding comfort in the silky blanket beneath us. Harry turned again to pick up one of the tissues from the basket, then he wiped up the mess we both had made. He carelessly threw the dirty tissues into the picnic basket afterwards.

“That was amazing.” Harry softly spoke, breaking the silence that had filled the air as we both caught our breaths.

He moved closer to my side and rested his head on my shoulder, smiling when I wrapped my arm around his back.

“I love you, Louis.” He kissed my jaw sweetly and batted his eyelashes.

“I love you, too.” I turned to smile at Harry, feeling my heart beginning to slow down.

“Let’s go back to the hotel, I just want to cuddle and sleep.” Harry yawned to prove his point.

“You’re cute when you yawn.” I giggled, poking his nose.

“You’re always cute.” Harry laughed.

He pulled me in for one last simple kiss, before helping me get dressed. We headed back to the hotel and fell into a blissful sleep in our warm bed, lying close together.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEWARE: Drama will be coming soon, but for now enjoy the dramaless fluff (and occasional smut ;) )  
> Feedback please!!:P

After waking up and slipping on a swimsuit, Harry and I met Liam, Zayn, and Niall in the lobby. I noticed that Niall was standing so close to Liam their arms were touching. I made a mental note to help them out later. They’re like brothers to me, so I’d do anything to help them.

“Ready lads?” Zayn asked quietly.

He’s been really shy lately. I think he’s embarrassed for running away. We tried to talk to him about it, but he changed the subject and refused to tell us why he ran away. I tried to catch Harry’s eye, but he was talking quietly with Liam about something.

I sighed and grabbed his hand, twisting our fingers together. He squeezed my hand in a comforting way and I leaned into his side. I was feeling a little more depressed than usual, some days are just worse than others. I was in the bathroom with my blade above my wrist when Harry walked in and snatched it from me. He proceeded to throw it into the toilet and flush it, making me a little angry at him. Little did he know that I had two others hidden in my bag. I always had a back up.

We all walked down the boardwalk to the beach. Everyone was laughing at something Niall said, but I was too caught up in my thoughts to realize what had been said. I looked to my right at the tall grass that protruded from the sand and frowned, remembering the days when my mum and I would go to the beach during the summer. I would always hide in the grass when we played hide and seek. She knew where I was every time, but she always pretended she didn’t see me. I miss her so much.

Harry must have sensed something was wrong, because he let go of my hand and put his arm over my shoulders, pulling me closer to him and kissing the top of my head. His eyes and a concerned look to them, but I just shook my head, assuring him that it was nothing to be worried about.

“I bet I can beat all of you to the water!” Niall suddenly yelled.

“Yeah right!” Liam scoffed.

“I’ll race ya!” Niall hadn’t even finished his sentence when he took off running.

Liam looked startled for a moment before taking off after Niall. I smiled; maybe Niall will like Liam back. Niall’s feet hit the water first, causing it to splash up behind him and hit Liam. I laughed as Liam ran back quickly, but then dived in after Niall anyways.

As I was laughing at the two, my foot got caught in something and I started to fall forward, but luckily Harry caught me around the waist and pulled me back to a standing position.

“Whoa! Watch out!” Harry joked.

“Thanks.” I said sarcastically.

“Sorry Boo, you’re just so clumsy.” He grinned.

I elbowed him in the side playfully and continued walking. I searched for the perfect spot and when I found it I spread out my beach towel and Harry set his beside me. I pulled off my shirt, adjusted my sunglasses, and pulled the sunscreen out of my bag. I squeezed some into my hand, then tossed Harry the bottle.

I spread it evenly over the front of my body, while Harry did the same.

“Will you put some on my back?” I asked innocently.

“Of course, love. As long as you’ll do the same for me.”

I nodded my head and Harry motioned for me to lie down. I laid on my stomach and rested my head on my arms. Harry sighed and I felt him rest his weight slightly on my back as he straddled my hips.

I inhaled sharply when the cold lotion made contact with my back. Harry instantly went to work at rubbing in the lotion. He started at my shoulders and massaged them as he went, then he moved to my lower back and gently applied pressure. I closed my eyes and sighed contently as the sun warmed me up and Harry’s hands worked their magic.

He ran his hands down my sides and then slid his fingers underneath my body to rub small circles on the sides of my stomach. I giggled quietly and Harry leaned down, making his necklaces hit against my back.

“I think you’re enjoying this too much.” He whispered, pressing a small kiss to my neck.

A shiver ran through my body as he traced a finger down my spine.

“Stop Harry.” I hissed.

“Do you really want me to stop?” He breathed out, sucking a spot on my neck.

“H-Haz.” I moaned softly.

“Hey! What did I say about the PDA?” Liam shielded his eyes as he sat down on his towel.

“You’re no fun Li.” Harry pouted.

He sat back up and finished rubbing the lotion in. When he finished, we switched positions and I made sure to tease him by ‘accidently’ letting my thumbs slip under his swim trunks. He made a whining noise when I flopped down on my towel beside him.

“Sorry Haz, I gotta work on my tan.” I smirked.

“You’re gonna pay for that.” He grumbled.

“I’ll make it up to you tonight…when we’re in the shower.” I whispered the last part into Harry’s ear and he made a face that resembled a little kid getting candy.

I sighed and lay back down, finally getting to work on my tan. I had forgotten how relaxing it was to just lay on the beach under the warm sun with the only noise being the waves crashing upon the shore. After all the shit I’ve been through, I deserve some relaxation time.

“We should do this more often.” I said to no one in particular.

“Yeah, this is nice.” Zayn murmured.

Everyone hummed in agreement before everything got quiet again. It was so quiet that I almost screamed when a loud ‘oomph’ came from Harry’s mouth thirty minutes later.

I opened my eyes and rolled onto my side so I could see what happened. Harry was sitting up holding volleyball in one hand and he was using his other hand to rub a red spot on his stomach, I figured the mall must have hit him or something like that.

“I’m so sorry.” A girl in a pink and white striped bikini stuttered out as she ran up to us.

“It’s alright, here’s your ball.” Harry threw her the ball and she stood there awkwardly for a minute.

“Do you guys want to join our volleyball game?” She looked down at the ground and a blush crept up on her cheeks.

“Sure.” Zayn was the first to speak and I smirked at his eagerness.

“Come on Lads.” Liam huffed, standing up and going over to Zayn and the girl.

She smiled at us all, but there was something weird about the way she was looking at Zayn. It was like he was her prey and she was sizing him up. It made me feel uncomfortable and I subconsciously shifted closer to Harry, so that our arms were barely touching.

We walked in silence back to the volleyball net, which wasn’t too far away. When we got there the other three girls looked shocked about seeing us.

“Umm… I’m Trish, that’s Allie, Penelope, and Megan.” She pointed to each of them as she said their names.

Allie was wearing an orange bikini that matched her red hair. Penelope’s was purple and she had blonde hair with dazzling blue eyes. Megan wasn’t wearing a bikini; it was still two pieces except the top was longer and covered her stomach. She was a brunette like Trish and they also had brown eyes.

Sometimes I think I’m too observant…it makes me wonder, is this just me or is it a gay thing? I shrugged nonchalantly and focused on what Meagan was saying.

“Okay which one of you wants to be captain?” She put a hand on her hip and I took a moment to admire her sassiness.

I used to be sassy, before everything happened. I was starting to get some of it back though. That’s what I liked about Harry, he brought the old me back.

“I think Louis should do it.” Niall piped up.

“Oh, you’re Irish!” Penelope giggled.

“Yep, it’s in me blood.” Niall made his accent really strong and all the girls giggled.

“Okay Lewis you and-“

“It’s Lou-ie.” Harry interrupted, sounding a bit harsh.

I love protective Harry, maybe even more than I love jealous Harry. It makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Okay, forget I thought that… Can I be gay, but not have these thoughts?

“Oh sorry, that’s what I meant. Louis, you and I will be captains.” Megan rambled.

“Alright, everyone else on the sidelines.” Trish ran off to the side and Zayn followed like a lost puppy.

I stood on one side of the court and Megan stood on the other, while the others waited patiently to be called out.

“You pick first Louis.” Megan called.

“Harry.” I said without breaking my stare with Megan.

I didn’t just pick Harry because he’s my boyfriend, he’s also really good at sports and that kind of stuff. Plus, he makes me feel safe and more comfortable. I’m still don’t like strangers very much, but can you blame me?

“Of course he picked his boyfriend first.” Niall groaned.

All of the girl’s eyes widened and I shot Niall a look that could kill. He slapped a hand over his mouth and stepped behind Liam, mumbling a sorry.

“I hope that won’t bother you.” Harry laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

Penelope let out a squeal that made all of us cover our ears. Then they were all smiling and giggling and running to me and Harry. Instinctively I pressed myself into his side and tried to disappear.

“I’ve always wanted a gay best friend!” Penelope grinned.

“Yeah, it’d be so cool!” Allie agreed.

Harry put his hand on the small of my back and rubbed soothing circles as I looked around nervously between the girls. Don’t they know I’m claustrophobic?!

“So are you two in love?” Penelope giggled.

I’d only known her for half an hour and I already knew two things about her. One, she was blunt. Two, she was very…excitable. Wait, that didn’t sound right, oh well.

“Yes, we are.” To prove his point, Harry pressed his lips to mine in a soft kiss.

I relaxed a little when he pulled away and finally gathered the courage to meet their eyes. They were all grinning, but Penelope looked like she was going to explode from happiness or something. She’s a strange one.

I noticed Trish laughing at something Zayn said and I smiled, knowing he probably had a crush on her.

After Penelope begged us to kiss one more time -which was very embarrassing- we went back to our sides and finished picking our teams.

On my team were Me, Harry, Penelope, and Allie. Allie was quiet, but she could play volleyball really well. On Megan’s team were her, Liam, Niall, Trish, and Zayn.

The game turned out to be a lot of fun. I wasn’t doing that bad and we were all having a good time. It was also extremely funny when Penelope got hit in the head with the ball. I know I shouldn’t have laughed, but it was just so funny and soon everyone else was laughing, including Penelope, so it turned out okay.

“We should all hang out again sometime.” Zayn said thoughtfully. “How long are you guys staying here for?”

“We’re here until the end of the week. Are you all going to the Snash tonight?” Trish replied.

“What’s the Snash?” I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Oh! It’s this big bon fire on this farm down the road. There’s food and drinks, an open mic, but they also play songs and people can dance and pretty much just do whatever they want. Everyone around here goes. It’s a lot of fun!” Megan said enthusiastically.

“Sounds cool! How about I give you my number and you can text me directions, then we’ll meet you there.” Zayn not-so-subtly flirted with Trish.

“O-Okay.” She giggled.

She walked a few feet away to her pink bag and pulled out a phone, handing it to Zayn. He put in his number and handed it back to her. She blushed and tossed it into her bag.

It was adorable really. She was being shy while Zayn was being bold. I wonder if this is how people see me and Harry.

“Why am I the girl in our relationship?” I turned to Harry.

“Because you have a feminine side and I don’t.” Harry poked my nose and I wrinkled it up and glared at him.

“You’re the one who does the cooking and cleaning.” I raised my eyebrows, daring him to come up with something else.

“Okay fine, but you’re still the girl.” Harry crossed his arms.

“I’m okay with that as long as you carry me back to our room. Come on Haz, my feet are tired.” I pouted.

“Lou, I’m tired too.” Harry sighed.

I turned around and crossed my arms, sticking my nose in the air. I watched in amusement as everyone except Harry laughed quietly. I think they caught on to my plan.

“I’m sorry Boo. Come here, I’ll carry you.” Harry finally said.

“Yay!” I turned and jumped onto him.

He wasn’t expecting it and we both fell down. I laughed at his expression and he shoved me backwards gently. I held my stomach as I fell onto the sand beside him and laughed my head off.

In the blink of an eye he was hovering over me with his face less than an inch from mine. My laughing ceased immediately as his hot breath hit my lips.

I stretched up and pecked his lips, then smiled sweetly at him, batting my eyelashes.

“You’re lucky I love you.” He shook his head with a grin plastered on his face.

“Love you to Haz.” I winked.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N What have I done? I wasn’t even planning on the ending of this, it just sort of happened…I’m really sorry, but the drama bomb (Thanks for that word @littlesis44) has been dropped and it’s done quite the damage… This ended up being 5,608 words…  
> Also thank you to @Cassie303 for encouraging me to update and for sticking with me from the beginning!   
> Okay, I’ll shut up now…

I stared at my reflection in the full length mirror in disgust. I pulled my sleeves down over my wrists and bit my lip. I was hoping no one at the Snash would ask why I was wearing a long sleeve shirt with shorts and flip flops when it was so hot outside.

I hated the mirror. I hated seeing myself. I’m too skinny and short, I look like a toothpick. My eyes are an ugly grey, and to make it even worse, I have dark bags under them. My nose is big in proportion to the rest of my face. Even my mouth is weird, my lips are small and pale and my teeth are crooked. My ears stick out on the sides of my face like blinders on a horse.

I ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt to make it look good, but of course that didn’t work. I let my arms drop back to my sides and glared at my reflection. I hate you.

“Stop that.”

I jumped at the sound of Harry’s voice, I hadn’t realized he was leaning against the doorway watching me. He pushed himself off of it and stood behind me.

“Stop what?” I asked innocently.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Stop thinking about yourself that way.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulders.

I relaxed into his chest and sighed again. I’m always afraid that he’ll finally see what I see and leave me. Why did he even want me in the first place? I looked at him through the mirror and thought about how beautiful he was in comparison to me. He was tall, muscular, stylish, and he had amazing green eyes with a sweet face, but the thing I liked most was his wild curly hair that never seemed to look the same as it did the day before.

“Why can’t you see that you’re beautiful?” He squeezed my middle and I looked away from the mirror briefly.

“Because I’m not.” I mumbled.

“Well, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” He grinned.

“You’re so cheesy Haz.” I forced a weak smile.

“Yeah, yeah you know you love it.” He smirked, kissing me on the cheek. “You shouldn’t be so insecure.” An evil grin settled onto his lips. “You’re insecure don’t know what for, you’re turning heads when you walk through the do-o-or!” He belted out the lyrics to a song we heard on the radio once, causing me to laugh.

“How did I get the honor of having you in my life?” I laughed sarcastically.

Maybe God finally took pity on you.

“What?” I turned to Harry with a hurt expression.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Oh, must have been my imagination or something.” Great, now I’m hearing things again.

I turned in Harry’s arms and just hugged him tightly. I grinned when I felt him kiss the top of my head. He’s such a romantic sap.

“You know I love you right?” Harry moved his lips to my forehead.

“Mhmm.” I hummed.

He kissed the tip of my nose and finished with kissing my lips. I tangled my fingers in his hair right before he broke away and pulled him closer so I could deepen the kiss. Our tongues swirled together as one while my hand slid under his shirt and touched his warm, soft skin. His hands were resting on my hips and his thumbs were rubbing small circles over my hip bones.

I pulled away for air and smiled up at him.

“I love you too by the way.”

He grinned and grabbed my hand leading me out of our room.

**

When we got to the Snash we immediately spotted Trish and her friends talking to some other girls. Zayn called out Trish’s name and she giggled at him while waving us over.

We made our way over to the small group and started chatting about random stuff like, why we were here and what schools we went to. All of the while Harry had a tight grip on my hand as if he was afraid I would run away or something. I also noticed he kept glancing to his left every few minutes. I brushed it off, thinking he was just nervous.

Someone was up at the microphone singing as everyone either talked or danced. Another group of people were standing by a grill grilling hamburgers and hot dogs. The smell wafted over to us and Niall turned around, sniffing like a bloodhound or something.

“I’m hungry!” Niall whined.

“Come on, let’s go get you some food.” Liam put an arm around Niall’s shoulder and led him away from our group.

“You hungry Boo?” Harry squeezed my hand.

I nodded my head. We walked over to the table and I made myself a hamburger. Harry got two hotdogs for himself. After getting drinks we sat down at a table with Niall and Liam. I noticed Zayn go to Trish’s table out of the corner of my eye. Trader.

I bit into my hamburger and glanced around at all of the people. Unfortunately a big, tough looking guy was walking towards us. When he got closer I sensed something familiar about him. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was almost like I knew him. I didn’t actually know him of course. I had never seen him before in my life.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t little Harry.” He sneered.

Harry’s eyes widened and he looked up at the guy. I saw him gulp nervously, so I rested my hand on his thigh to comfort him. He relaxed a tiny bit, but he was still tense as he stared up at the guy.

“Hello Bryan.” He said, glaring at him.

“I always knew you were a gay faggot.” He snorted.

“I always knew you were an idiot.” Harry retorted.

“Watch it Styles, or I might have to sick my dad on you.” He smirked.

Okay, now I was really confused. Who is this kid, how does he know Harry, and who is his dad?

“You and I both know he’s in jail.” Harry frowned.

“Yeah, that little fucker got him caught. I swear if I ever see that dumb foster kid I’m gonna kick his ass.” Bryan shook his head in anger.

“What do you want from me Bryan?”

A couple of guys stood behind Bryan and smirked down at Harry. One tapped Bryan on the shoulder and grinned.

“Hey Smith, is this the guy you were talking about.” He pointed at Harry.

I flinched at the mention of the name Smith. Then as if a chain reaction had started in my brain, everything clicked. Smith, foster kid, jail, dad. Bryan was Mr. Smith’s actual son and I was the foster kid that got his dad thrown in jail.

Harry noticed me flinch, but oddly he didn’t do anything. He just sat there staring at Bryan and his friends. I was slightly hurt, he always comforts me. I needed comforting after that realization hit me.

Every part of me suddenly felt the pain that I had felt every day at the Smiths’ house. I was scared shitless about the fact that their son, who seemed just as evil, was standing in front of me and yelling at my boyfriend.

“To finish what I started.” Bryan leaned over the table until he was about a foot away from Harry’s face. “You know, before we were so rudely interrupted.” He smirked.

Harry jumped back and did something I didn’t expect at all, he ran. He ran away from everyone and it was only after I had gotten over the shock that I realized Bryan was chasing him. I jumped out of my seat the moment Bryan tackled Harry to the ground.

“Stop it!” I yelled.

Bryan’s fist stalled above Harry’s face for a split second before it came down hard on his eye. I gasped and lunged at Bryan, knocking him off of Harry.

“Louis no!” Harry grabbed me by the waist and pulled me away from him.

Bryan immediately froze, then looked at me with pure hatred in his eyes.

“Louis Tomlinson? You’re the one that got my father arrested!” He swung his fist at me, but Harry flung himself in front of me, getting himself hit in the stomach.

He groaned in pain and I felt pity for him, knowing exactly how that felt. I pulled him into my arms and hugged him, trying to somehow ease the pain.

“Dumb fags!” Bryan managed to kick Harry in the shin hard, before he grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me off the ground.

I was amazed at his strength, but then again he is related to Mr. Smith. I kicked my legs, but he was holding me away from his body. I couldn’t breathe because of my shirt being pulled around my neck, so any movement was difficult.

Suddenly I was dropped onto my back and Bryan was thrown next to me. I tried hard to regain my breath as Zayn jumped on top of Bryan and swung his fist, repeatedly hitting Bryan in the face.

Somehow he still managed to shove Zayn off and he threw himself over me. I gripped the ground with my shaking hands and waited for the blows to come. After all, I had gotten used to this kind of thing. It was better to just take it and not try to fight back.

Then it came. The stinging on my cheek reminded me of my days in foster care, and I didn’t like that one bit.

“Get off him!” Harry screamed, before kicking Bryan so hard he rolled off of me and onto the ground.

Bryan instantly jumped back up and pinned Harry to the ground, closing a hand around his throat. Harry clutched desperately at his hands trying to pry them away, but Bryan wasn’t letting go.

“Stop! Please Bryan! Don’t hurt him! Hurt me instead!” I yelled, trying to make him stop hurting Harry.

I couldn’t bear the thought of Harry getting hurt and me not doing anything to stop it.

Niall appeared out of nowhere and helped me up, then Zayn, Liam, Niall, and I all attacked Bryan at once.

It was difficult to pull him off of Harry, because Bryan was three times the size of any of us and he was at least eight years older than us. His hands stayed closed around Harry’s neck in a death grip. Literally.

Harry was making awful wheezing noises and clawing at Bryan’s hands, but as time passed his movements slowed down and his wheezing stopped.

“No!”

I didn’t even register the scream as my own until it got really quiet. Everyone must have finally realized what was going on and lots of people were running over to break up the fight.

The next few minutes were a blur, all I know is that someone finally managed to pry Bryan off of Harry. We all watched with baited breath as Harry lay motionless on the ground.

I jumped forward and silently thanked my old health teacher for forcing us to learn CPR on that disgusting dummy. I pinched Harry’s nose with one hand and used my other to wrench open his jaw. I put my lips over his and breathed into his mouth for a few seconds. After I pulled away I pushed on his chest a few times and then repeated it all over again. It seemed to take ages, but eventually Harry’s eyes snapped open and he squirmed away from me, gasping for air.

Bryan ended up being hauled away in handcuffs, but that did little to satisfy me, because he had hurt Harry.

When we got back to our room, I ran Harry a hot bath and helped him wash his hair. We didn’t do anything sexual, I just basically bathed him. We were both too tired to do anything after that so we laid down in our bed and went to sleep, but this time I was holding Harry not the other way around.

**

I woke up the next morning and rolled over in Harry’s arms so I could face him. He was still asleep, so I took a moment to admire him, but the moment was short lived once I saw his neck. Dark purple bruises shaped like fingers ran all the way around Harry’s neck as an awful reminder of the previous night’s events.

I trailed my fingers lightly over the bruises, then pressed soft kisses to his neck wherever my lips could reach. I wasn’t hurt that badly in the fight, but Harry had nearly died.

“What are you doing?” Harry said sleepily.

I moved back and nuzzled my head against his chest, letting out a soft sigh. He kissed the top of my head lovingly, before taking my face in both of his hands and making me look up at him.

“Does your neck hurt?” I whispered.

“Not much, does it look bad?”

I didn’t know how to answer that, so I didn’t. I just sat up slowly and got out of bed, stretching my stiff muscles. I wondered why Harry wasn’t getting up, but I figured he was still tired so I left the room and went to make him some breakfast.

Thirty minutes later I shook him awake again and handed him a plate of pancakes with a glass of Apple Juice, knowing that it was his favorite drink. He kissed my cheek before taking the tray and setting it on his lap.

“Thanks Boo.” His voice came out raspy.

“Your voice sounds weird now.” I commented.

“Maybe because I was almost strangled to death.” He said sarcastically.

I knew he was joking, but that didn’t stop the shiver from running down my spine. I didn’t even want to think about losing Harry. I had the sudden urge to hug him, so I took the tray back and set it on the table. He gave me a questioning look, but I ignored it and crawled into his lap.

“Are you okay Lou?”

He put his arms around me and hugged me close. My throat was stinging, but I refused to cry. I’ve cried so much lately. He’s got to be tired of that by now.

“It never ends.” My voice was barely audible.

“What do you mean?” I think he was trying to comfort me with his kisses, but they only made it worse.

“This. This kind of shit always happens to us. There’s always something going on where one of us gets hurt. It never goes away.” I leaned my head on Harry’s shoulder and closed my eyes. “Why can’t we just be happy without something ruining it?”

“I don’t know babe, but I do know that I love you. That’s all that matters right? We love each other and nothing will ever come between us.” He kissed my temple to prove his point.

“Stan did.”

Two words caused us to fall into an awkward silence where neither of us knew what to say. It was only when I opened my eyes and saw the confusion on Harry’s face that I realized he didn’t remember that. I quickly changed the subject.

“Last night Bryan said he wanted to finish what he started. What exactly did he start?”

I felt Harry’s entire body tense beneath me a soon as the words had rolled off my tongue. I tangled our fingers together and squeezed his hand reassuringly.

“He was trying to kill me, but Mrs. Smith called us for dinner and he stopped.” Harry said flatly.

I narrowed my eyes and sat up, but stayed sitting on his lap.

“Harry Styles, are you lying to me?” I said through gritted teeth.

Again with the Lies. I thought we had gotten past this, but apparently not. He knows how much I hate being lied to, so why would he do it?

“Just drop it.” Harry roughly shoved me off of his lap and stood up.

I stared up at him in shock as he ran a hand through his curls. He never shoves me, especially not when I’m sitting on his lap.

“H-Harry?” I whimpered pathetically.

“I said drop it!” His fist connected with the wall and I shrunk down in fear.

What did I say? Why was he so angry? Most importantly, why was he yelling at me? I pulled a pillow to my chest and hugged it tightly as I watched him lean his forehead against the wall and begin crying.

Forget the pillow, I sprung up and ran to Harry only to be shoved away again. This time I fell onto my bum and Harry started shouting at me again.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone you little shit!”

‘you little shit’. The words echoed in my mind over and over again. Everything else Harry yelled went unnoticed by me. The only words I could hear were ‘you little shit’.

 

“You’re a worthless little shit!” Mr. Smith screamed at me

He slapped me in the face hard and I scooted back against the wall, trying to get away from him, but it didn’t work.

“No one will ever love you, you’re just an irrelevant asshole.”

Another slap.

“Why don’t you do us all a favor and kill yourself? No one would miss you.”

He punched me in the gut and I doubled over in pain. The pain increased when he kicked me in the shin, causing me to fall onto the ground.

“You’ll never amount to anything you ugly piece of trash!”

He kicked me once more before storming away, leaving me curled up on the floor in the fetal position.

 

“-m Sorry. So sorry. Louis!”

I scrambled up from the floor and cowered away from Harry. I didn’t miss the hurt expression that crossed his face. Did he honestly expect me to be fine after that?

“Lou, I didn’t mean any of that, please just let me explain.” He reached out to me, but I flinched away.

“Don’t hit me.” The words came out before I could stop them.

“You know I’d never hit you.” Harry’s voice softened. “No matter how pissed I get.”

“I didn’t mean to make you mad, I’m sorry.” I whimpered.

“It wasn’t your fault love, please come here.” Harry held out his arms.

I blinked back the tears as I shook my head. Harry’s face fell and he frowned. I didn’t know if I could go anywhere near him for a while. Not after all of that.

“I’m sorry.” I repeated.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, not you.” He patted my knee, but I yelped and jumped back.

“Louis, I’m not going to hurt you, please just come here.” His eyes held a pleading look, but I forced myself to look away.

By that point I was in a corner with my knees pulled up to my chest, sobbing silently. I just couldn’t’ wrap my head around the fact that he called me a ‘little shit’. Did he really think that?

“What did Bryan start?” I said harshly.

“H-He came into my room one night, a-and he threw me on the bed. H-He started t-touching me…I begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t.” Harry pulled his knees up to his chest before continuing. “I-I was screaming and just when he took my c-clothes off, Mr. Smith came in. I-I thought he was going to stop him, but he j-just tied me up a-and-”

Harry’s sobs were making it difficult for him to breathe, and by then I knew what he was trying to say. I hesitantly took his hand in mine and squeezed it in a comforting manner. He stared over my shoulder as he said the words that ripped out my heart and stomped on it.

“I was o-only eight.” He buried his face in his hands. “I’m so sorry baby, I didn’t mean what I said. I love you!” Harry whined.

“I know, it’s okay. You were just angry.”

I wiped a few tears from his face, but he grabbed my wrist before I could continue. When I saw the look on his face, I leaned forward to brush our lips together to reassure him that I wasn’t mad at him anymore. I was still a little hurt, but it wasn’t anything I wasn’t used to. I was told things like that every day for five years.

“No. It’s not okay. I can’t yell at you or hit you just because I’m angry. That’s not fair to you.” He let go of my hand and tangled his fingers in his hair.

“I don’t expect you to never yell at me. As long as you apologize afterwards I’ll be fine. I love you too much to let you go just because you said something stupid. Besides, I’m used to it.” I moved closer to him and leaned my head on his shoulder.

He leaned his head on mine and sighed heavily. I heard a knock on the door, but I ignored it, hoping whoever it was would go away. When the knocking didn’t stop I reluctantly got up to answer it. When I opened the door I was met with a red faced Niall and Liam who looked like he had been crying.

“We need to talk.” Niall pushed passed me and walked into our small kitchen.

Liam followed and Zayn stood there awkwardly, before chasing after the other two and standing against the wall far away from any of us.

“Look guys this isn’t a good time. Can’t this wait until later.” I wiped a stray tear from my eyes and tried to give the boys a stern look.”

“No we have some things to discuss. I’ve had enough of all the secrecy!” Liam suddenly jumped up from his chair as his hands flew up in the air. “No one knows why Zayn ran away, or why he’s been so distant lately. Niall has no idea what the hell is going on, Harry is one second away from having a nervous breakdown, and I don’t even have to say anything about you!” Liam sat back down and put his face in his hands.

“What about you Liam?” Harry yelled from the doorway of our room. “You’re too afraid to admit that you like Niall!” Harry slapped a hand over his mouth and grimaced.

“You do?” Niall asked quietly.

“I ran away because I fell in love with a prostitute.” Zayn yelled.

“I’m already a nervous wreck!” Harry said, the anger clear in his voice.

“Will everybody shut the fuck up?!” I yelled as loudly as I could.

Everyone immediately got quiet and all attention was drawn to me. I motioned for everyone to sit down, and the all complied. Niall and Liam sat at opposite ends of the table with Harry in the middle, Zayn sat against the wall, and I sat on the kitchen counter facing them.

“Okay let’s discuss one problem at a time. We’ll start with Zayn. Zayn please explain how you fell in love with a prostitute.” I rested my chin on my palm.

How do you fall in love with a prostitute? That’s just messed up.

“Well, I didn’t know she was a prostitute at first. She told me on our third date that she was, and I got really mad, but she promised me she was going to stop for me. After our fifth date she never called me back, she never texted me, and I haven’t seen her since. She was so sweet and funny and pretty, I just- She just had to be a prostitute.” He smacked his forehead on his palm. “I didn’t want to face anyone after that, so I thought it would be easier to run away from it all.”

“Mate, that’s just bad luck, but I’m sure you’ll find someone better for you.” I sympathized.

I felt bad for him. He seemed genuinely torn up about it. I know I would be pretty upset if I found out Harry was a prostitute.

“Yeah, forget about her. It’s her loss.” Liam agreed.

“Liam and Niall. We all know Liam loves Niall, but the question is, does Niall like Liam?” I raised an eyebrow.

“I do, but I can’t.” Niall looked down at his feet.

“Why can’t you?” Liam said in a hurt tone.

“I live in Ireland.” He stated bluntly. “I really do like you Li, but there’s a bit of distance between us.”

“Wait until you’re eighteen and then move here.” Harry suggested. “You could keep up a long distance relationship until then.”

“I need to think about this.” Niall ran a hand through his blonde hair tiredly.

“Take your time. I just want you to make the right decision.” Liam whispered.

Well at least they like each other. It might not work out, but it’s good to know that there is a tiny sliver of hope for them.

“Okay, now Harry, you just had a nervous breakdown for obvious reasons.”

“It’s only obvious to you.” Zayn spat.

“Then how about I clarify, he just got attacked by a guy who he has a bad history with on top of all the stress I’ve caused him over these past few months!” I snapped.

“Lou, it’s not-“

“Don’t you dare tell me it’s not my fault! It is! I’m always in trouble, I always need your help, but somehow I’m just now noticing the effect it has on you. Just look in the mirror Harry! You have bags under your eyes, you’re always so tired, and when you smile it never quite reaches your eyes. Your eyes don’t shine as bright as they used to and sometimes it’s like you’re a completely different person. I miss you.” The last sentence came out in a whisper.

I watched him warily as he processed my words in his head. It was like someone had taken away my filter and everything was spilling out. All of our secrets were finally let out and honestly, it felt good to finally let it all out.

“Louis, have you seen yourself lately? You’re like a zombie. Half the time you just zone out in the middle of a sentence.” Harry stood up and balled his fists. “I get that you’ve had a hard life, but you’re not the only one! Zayn’s parents were murdered while he was forced to watch, Liam was the only survivor on his cruise ship when it crashed, he had to leave behind his mum, dad and sister!”

“My mom committed suicide, and then shortly after my dad did too, because he couldn’t live without her.” Niall spoke up.

“I never said I was the only one.” I said in a choked voice. “I just feel like ever since I got here everything has just fallen apart. Look at us! We’re all crying like little kids! We’re shouting at each other and blaming other people for our mistakes!”

“We’re just a bunch of fucked up people.” Liam nodded solemnly.

“But that’s just it! That’s why we get along so well. We can relate to each other. We may have different backgrounds, but at the end of the day, the damage is still the same.”

Everyone was silent for what felt like an eternity, no one even dared to move. The only sounds heard were sobs or the occasional sniffle.

“Why does life has to be so hard?” Zayn finally broke the silence.

His voice was oddly calm. He didn’t show any emotion in his voice or through his body language. I doubt any of us had the energy to care.

“Is it just us or is the whole world fucked up?” Harry shuddered.

“Will it always be like this?” Niall mumbled.

“Let’s be honest here. Have any of you ever wanted to kill yourself.” I looked at all of them.

I wasn’t surprised when everyone nodded. I let my gaze linger on Harry a bit longer, but he refused to meet my eyes.

“And you have the nerve to tell me not to kill myself.” I directed that statement at Harry.

“I never actually tried it!” He shot back. “You’ve tried it twice, probably even more than that!”

I narrowed my eyes and looked away. God must really hate me today.

“When did my life become a soap opera?” I grumbled.

“I say we all go jump off a cliff at the same time.” Zayn let his head fall back against the wall. “Seems much easier than this…” He trailed off.

“No.” Niall shook his head. “We can’t just give up!”

“Haven’t we already given up?” I sighed.

“No, but you have and that tears me apart.” Harry glared at me.

“You’re right Harry, I have given up. I gave up when you promised me you would never leave, but you did anyway, because of a fucking picture!” I jumped off the counter and stalked over to Harry.

“That really happened? I thought that was just a dream.” His eyes widened.

“Well it’s nice to see you finally got your memories back.” I sneered. “It took me attempting suicide for you to come back! You ignored me while I cried on the floor and begged you not to laeve! But that’s not even the worst part. You didn’t see what happened once you left!” He stood up so that he was towering over me, but I stood my ground. “I sat in that window seat for four fucking days waiting for you. I waited for you to come back through that door and say you were sorry, but you never did.” I stopped for a minute, because I could barely speak. “I didn’t eat or sleep for four days because of you! I thought I hit rock bottom when I went to the Smith’s house, but I was wrong. I was so far from the bottom. It’s like I’ve fallen into a bottomless pit, and everything just keeps getting worse and worse. Just the thought of you never coming back sent me over the edge.”

Harry moved forward to hug me, but I pressed my palms against his chest and pushed him away. Every time he just came back, but I kept pushing him away, each time with less force. I could feel myself crumbling, but I couldn’t just give in to him. I couldn’t let him win.

He finally managed to secure his arms around me, but I didn’t give up. I pushed and shoved until I had no energy left. Eventually I just let the numb feeling take over my limbs as I slumped down against him.

I faintly heard Niall and Liam shouting at each other in the background, but it was drowned out by my earsplitting wails of agony. I just cried onto Harry’s shirt, not caring that I probably looked like a pathetic loser.

“I think it would be best if we all got a good night’s sleep. There are definitely some things we all have to think about.” Liam stood up from his place and I noticed he was holding Niall’s hand.

They walked out of our room still holding hands. Zayn rose to his feet, giving Harry a pat on the back, before leaving as well.

I cried even more while Harry lifted my leg up so that my knee was settled against his hip. He gripped my thighs tightly and lifted me up. I twisted my ankles around his waist and locked my arms around his neck, burying my face against his neck.

The next thing I knew, he was sitting down on our bed and trying to pry me off of him. I tightened my grip on him and kissed his neck multiple times.

“Please Harry. Please, I-I just want you t-to hold me. I like i-it when you h-hold me.” I blurted out.

He kissed my head a couple times before I finally relaxed my grip on him. Slowly we laid down, but I still clung to him like I was a koala bear and he was my tree.

“I love you and I always will. No matter what.” Harry whispered.

“I’ll always love you too.” I whispered back. “Please don’t give up on me.”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

He kissed me softly and I let our lips mould together as the tiredness finally took hold of my body.

****

“Behind my smile is a hurting heart, behind my laugh I’m falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the guy I am, it isn’t me”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N This is short and terrible! I’m sorry, I’ll try to update soon! Please check out my other books to.

The next morning was uneventful. I woke up curled into Harry’s side around eleven pm. I carefully removed his arms from my waist and stepped into the bathroom. I ran some cold water through my fingers, then splashed it in my face. I was drying my face with a towel when Harry sauntered through the door in his boxers.

We didn’t have to say anything. He knew what I was thinking, and I knew what he was thinking. He simply pulled me into his chest and hugged me tight. I buried my face in his shoulder and took a deep breath.

“You okay?” He had asked me.

“I will be.” I replied.

We decided that everyone needed some alone time, so we were just going to do whatever for the rest of the day. Zayn went for a walk on the beach, Niall and Liam rented a movie and stayed in their room, and Harry and I went down to the pool.

While he splashed around in the cool water, I laid out on a lounge chair. I accidently fell asleep for a few minutes, but Harry woke me up when he dumped water all over me. I glared at his laughing form, before tackling him into the pool. I threatened to get out when he kept going underwater and pulling my legs so that I would fall, but they were empty threats.

He apologized, then tugged me underwater and pressed our lips together. It was like a cheesy scene from a movie, but I still thought it was great. We came up giggling and shared a proper kiss. 

When we returned to our room we turned on the TV, but it was soon forgotten when I crawled on top of Harry and pressed my lips fervently to his. A particular scene had gotten me aroused and I desperately needed relief. Harry eventually responded to me and we made love quietly so the boys wouldn’t hear us through the walls. That would have been embarrassing.

**

The next day we met up with the boys again down at the pier. We stepped onto the boat silently and zipped up our wetsuits then put on our snorkeling gear. Niall had suggested snorkeling and since we had nothing better to do we all agreed. Zayn was still acting distanced, but for the most part he participated in our conversations.

When we pulled up to a coral reef I grabbed Harry’s hand and we jumped in together. We plunged beneath the water and the colorful fish scattered. Liam, Niall, and Zayn soon joined us underwater and we swam around and looked at the fish and coral. It was really beautiful and I was kind of sad when we had to come back to the boat.

For the rest of the week we laid out by the pool, went surfing at the beach, and talked some more. For the most part, everything had gone back to normal. Niall and Liam were together, Zayn was steadily texting Trish and Harry and I were...well normal I guess, but I couldn’t help thinking that something just wasn’t right.

**

We stopped on our way back home and picked up Larry from the vet. The kitten meowed and played with my fingers all the way home. I stroked his dark fur and stared out the window in silence.

“Are you okay Lou? You look kinda pale.”

Harry placed a hand on my forehead, but I slapped it away stating that I was fine. In all honesty I wasn’t. I was far from fine. It had been one of those days. I hate days like these. I felt like shit and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep. I could practically hear my blades calling my name, but I couldn't do anything with Harry around.

**

The next morning I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach and the urge to see blood ooze from my wrists. I thought the feeling would go away with a good night’s sleep, but that plan failed, because I didn’t sleep at all. As I was contemplating going into the bathroom and making a quick cut Harry woke up, once again ruining my plans.

“What’s going on with you? You’ve been acting strange lately.” He said in a gravelly voice.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” I huffed.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I'm fine! Drop it!” 

I went into the kitchen and fixed myself a bowl of cereal, seeing as we didn't have any food. Harry noticed this and after he finished his cereal, he left to go to the store down the road. 

As soon as the door clicked shut I ran to the bathroom and grabbed my blades from under the rug. I sliced one across my wrist and sighed in relief. The stinging feeling brought me back to reality and I craved more. Before I realized what I was doing, I made another cut, and another, and another. I only stopped when I noticed there was blood all over the floor. My eyes widened when I saw how badly I had cut my wrist.

I hadn’t meant to cut that much or go that deep, but it was bleeding badly and I was starting to feel dizzy. I managed to grab my phone off the counter with my good hand just as my legs gave out and I fell to the floor. 

I punched in Harry’s number, getting blood all over my screen. 

“Hey Boo.” He answered

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please help me!”

“What did you do?” His voice was suddenly frantic.

“It was an accident. I cut too deep, I’m sorry.” I whined.

“I’m in my car now, I’ll be there soon. Just hold on.”

“Please hurry.” My voice faded out and the phone slipped from my bloody fingers.

I clasped my hand over the cuts, but it did little to stop the bleeding. Images of Harry and I flashed through my head and a smile covered my face as I allowed the darkness to consume me completely.

**

Harry’s POV

To put it simply, I was terrified. I didn’t know if I could handle this again. This would be the third or fourth time something like this happened. My hands shook as I turned in front of a car. The person honked their horn at me, but I ignored it and raced back to my flat as quickly as possible. 

By the time I made it to the door my eyes were clouded with tears. I unlocked the door and ran straight for the bathroom where I knew he would be.

I immediately called an ambulance when he called me, knowing that it wouldn’t be a pretty sight, and I could hear the sirens in the background, relaxing me slightly.

A choked sob escaped me when I saw Louis slumped against the wall covered in blood. I tugged off my shirt and tied it around his wrist to try and stop the blood flow. I slapped his cheek lightly, begging him to answer me.

“Please wake up. Please baby. The ambulance is almost here. Stay with me.” 

I picked him up carefully and cradled him to my chest. I met the paramedics halfway down the stairs and handed him over. Luckily they let me ride in the ambulance with him. I gripped his hand tightly and prayed to whatever god that was listening that he would live. I couldn’t bear to be without him. He was my everything.

I was thrown into a chair by a nurse, while the doctors wheeled him into emergency surgery. I quickly sent a text to Zayn, Liam, and Niall letting them know what had happened. After everyone knew what was going on I turned off my phone and slumped down in my chair. 

I shouldn’t have left him alone. I knew he wasn’t feeling good. I could see it in his eyes. Why did I leave him? It was all my fault.

“Mr. Styles?”

I looked up to find an older nurse looking between me and a clipboard. I nodded my head and wiped my eyes as she continued.

“Mr. Tomlinson will be alright in a few days. He had to have eighteen stitches in his left wrist and three blood transfusions, but he’ll recover rather quickly, physically at least.”

I furrowed my eyebrows and shot her a questioning glance.

“I think it would be best if Mr. Tomlinson was admitted to The Phoenix. It’s a recovery unit for suicide victims, depression, and anxiety.”

“Wait, he didn't mean to do this, it was an accident.”

“His records show that this has happened two other times. Is that true?”

“Yes, but-”

“If you don’t send him, you’ll regret it. One day he’ll succeed, do you want that? It may have been an accident this time, but what about next time? He needs help.”

“I can help him.” I mumbled, looking down my white converse that were stained with blood.

“I know you think you can, but he needs more help than you can give him. Please just think about it. If you really love him, you’ll want the best for him right?”

“Right.” I sighed.

A tear slipped down my cheek as she handed me a brochure with The Phoenix written across the top in red letters.

I folded it up and shoved it into my pocket, then hung my head. 

Of course I want what’s best for him, but how am I supposed to tell him that I’m sending him away because I just can’t deal with him anymore. That will break his heart.

I just don’t understand what happened. Everything was going so well, he was clean from cutting for a week, then this happened. 

I never wanted it to come to this.


	11. Chapter 11

I had dozed off at some point during the night, but when I awoke, a nurse was checking Louis’s vital signs. I watched her for a few minutes before she noticed I was awake. She gave me a small smile and jotted something down on her clipboard. 

“He should be waking up soon.” She smiled kindly.

I nodded my head and she left without saying anything else. I had been laying there in silence for half an hour when my phone rang. I red the caller ID, then picked it up.

“What Liam?” I sighed.

“Where are you and why haven’t you been answering your phone!?” Liam shouted.

“It’s Louis, he’s in the hospital. I knew I shouldn’t have left him! He was acting weird and-” 

“Calm down Harry, don’t get yourself worked up. We’ll be there in a few minutes and then we can talk.”

**

Liam’s POV

“Guys, we have to go to the hospital now.” I said after hanging up with Harry.

“What? Why?” Zayn raised an eyebrow.

“Louis.”

Instantly Niall and Zayn knew what had happened and were grabbing their food off the table and leaving the restaurant.

When we reached the hospital it was eerily quiet. I nervously told the woman at the desk why we were there and she directed us to Louis’s room. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw when I opened the door.

Harry was holding Louis and sobbing out apologies and kissing him on the forehead, cheeks, nose, chin, temples, and basically anywhere his lips could touch. It truly was a heartbreaking sight.

We sat on the small sofa in front of Louis’s bed and waited for Harry to notice us. He eventually mumbled a hello, then quieted his sobs and watched us.

“What happened?” Zayn asked carefully.

“He’s been acting weird lately, but he said he was fine, so I didn’t worry about it. I was going to make us a nice dinner, so I went to the store to get the stuff I needed, but then he called me. He was crying and saying he was sorry. I-I drove home as fsat as I could, but-”

Harry paused and sucked in a shaky breath. A few tears pooled in his eyes, but he quickly wiped them away.

“I found him in the bathroom. He kept apologizing and he said he didn’t mean to. He-He had slit his wrist really deep. There was so much blood!” He whimpered.

I jumped up and pulled Harry into my arms, letting him sob into my chest. He clung to me tightly and sobbed out something unintelligible.

“What? I can’t understand you Harry.” 

He fumbled in his back pocket for something, then shoved it into my palm. I carefully unfolded the paper and read the words at the top. “The Phoenix” was written in bold red letters at the top and below that was a picture of a big white building and a bunch of nurses and doctors smiling. I opened it and read some of the things inside. From what I could tell, it was a mental institute for suicidal people.

“I can’t send him there Liam! He’ll hate me!” Harry suddenly pulled back and latched himself onto Louis.

“It might be good for him though. They could help him. Don’t you want him to be happy?”

“Yes! I want that more than anything, but I don’t want to lose him again Liam! He doesn’t even trust me!”

“But what if this happens again. You won’t be there to save him every time. You’ve tried everything. I think you should give this place a chance.”

Harry sniffled and looked at Louis’s sleeping face, then to me, then to the boys, then back to Louis. 

“How am I supposed to tell him? How am I supposed to tell him I couldn’t help him? I promised him I’d protect him and I failed. This is going to kill him.” Harry said quietly.

“You don’t have to decide now, but I really think you should. Just talk to him about it, he’ll understand.”

“I hope so.” Harry said almost inaudibly.

We all shared a sad look, before telling Harry goodbye and leaving.

**

Harry’s POV

Louis woke up two hours later when I was tracing invisible patterns on his chest. The only way I knew he had woken up was because he laid his hand over mine and smiled down at me when I woke up.

I stretched my neck up and covered his lips with my own, sliding his bottom lip between my lips and sucking a bit. He frowned when he pulled away.

“I’m really sorry. I-I didn’t mean-”

I kissed him again to shut him up.

“I’m sorry too. I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t want to believe it.”

We laid in silence for a while. I gripped Louis’s hand like it was a lifeline and Louis played with my curls.

A doctor came in, checked Louis’s vitals, asked a few questions, then left. 

“There’s something I need to talk to you about darling.” I sat up on the bed and turned so I was facing him.

He furrowed his eyebrows in an adorable way and tilted his head slightly.

“You know I love you. I love you so, so much. Which is why it kills me to see you sad. I want to help you, but I just can’t. I’ve tried my hardest, but nothing I do works. I’m really sorry Lou. We can’t keep doing this.”

“Are you b-breaking up with m-me?” Louis’s face crumpled.

“Oh god no! No, never!” I kissed him gently to prove my point.

“Then what are you talking about?” He wiped his eyes with his hospital gown and sniffled.

“One of the nurses talked to me while you were being operated on. She mentioned a place where you could go to get help. It’s called The Phoenix and it’s for people who are depressed or suicidal. At first I was appalled she would even say something like that, but then Liam convinced me that it could be a good idea. I want you to go Lou.”

There was a long moment of silence in which my heart beat sped up and Louis just stared at me with a no emotion showing on his face.

“You want me to leave? I told you I didn’t mean to! I won’t do it again. Harry please don’t do this! You promised you would help me! You can’t!”

“Louis, I just want to help you! I wouldn’t be recommending this place unless I knew it was a good facility. I was researching it while you were asleep and I think it could be a good place for you. I just want you to be happy.” I took his hand and kissed his knuckles.

“Then don’t make me go.” He breathed.

“I’m not going to make you go, but I really want you too. Louis, I don’t know what I would do if you somehow succeeded in killing yourself. I would probably go crazy. I can’t live without you baby, I love you too much. This is the only way. Aren’t you tired of being sad all the time?”

Louis didn’t answer. He didn’t look at me. I lifted him carefully and placed him in my lap, where he shut his eyes and leaned against me. I rested my chin on top of his head and sighed.

“What did I do to deserve this?” Louis asked quietly.

“No one deserves this. Especially you. I don’t know why things keep happening to us, but no matter what I know we can get through it. We’ll come out stronger in the end.”

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

****

“What seems like the right thing to do could also be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.” -Unknown


	12. A/N

I have decided to do character asks for all my stories and at the end of it I will post them all as a chapter!

All you have to do is go to this link https://twitter.com/loving1dwp and say the title of the story and then ask your question. It can be for me or any of the characters!

Have fun! xx


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Hi!! xx I finally updated!
> 
> IMPORTANT: 
> 
> 1\. I have decided that this will be the final book. I just don't have much inspiration for them anymore, I have more stories I'm working on, and I don't know what else could happen in the next book. This book will not be finished for a while though, so don't worry.
> 
> 2\. I plan to get back on a regular schedule with updating this story, but it helps when people comment or give kudos, but please don't comment asking me to update when I JUST updated.
> 
> 3\. Please check out my other books, I personally think they're much better than this one.
> 
> That's all! Thank you xx :D -Claire

I wove my way through the people trying to find somewhere quiet. Ever since we got back from early graduation Zayn had kept us at his party. It was partly for graduating and partly to break in his new flat.

I had lost Harry ages ago, now I was just wandering around trying to find him. All the people were making me nervous and I felt naked without Harry by my side. Someone bumped into me, spilling her drink down the front of my shirt.

“Oops!” She giggled drunkenly.

The crowd seemed to be getting closer to me, so I squeezed past her and kept walking. My head was pounding with every beat of the loud music and I wanted desperately to find Harry and go home. I couldn’t see him anywhere though.

Suddenly it was like the breath was knocked out of me and I dropped to my knees gasping for air. A small crowd gathered around me and people began tugging at my shoulders and arms, trying to get me to stand up. They only made it worse and I began crying, thinking that they were all staring at me and thinking I was a freak. I fell to my stomach and began shaking, curling in on myself.

Everywhere I looked I saw Mr. Smith’s face scowling at me, so I just shut my eyes. I couldn’t tell what was real and what was just my imagination any more. 

Then a familiar voice was shouting something and everyone backed away, giving me room to breathe. I was lifted from the floor and I immediately buried my face in Harry’s neck.

I felt a cool breeze and realized Harry had taken me outside. When I opened my eyes I saw that he was sitting on a ledge and holding me on his lap. 

“Shh. It’s okay. Everything will be alright. I’m right here. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He whispered soothingly.

I sobbed into his shoulder pitifully. He placed me in his car and quickly got in on the driver’s side. I slid to the middle seat and rested my head on his shoulder, still crying softly. 

He wrapped an arm around my waist and used the other to drive. He kissed my head multiple times and kept whispering sweet nothings into the otherwise silent car. 

We arrived back at our flat and we quickly made our way up to our room. Harry laid me on the bed and tucked me in under the covers and kissed me softly.

“I’ll go make you something to eat.”

“No.” I whimpered. “Just wanna cuddle.”

I made grabby hands towards him like a child would. He smiled and climbed in next to me. I laid completely on top of him, wanting to be as close to him as possible. He didn’t mind though, he just wrapped his arm around me in a sort of hug and kissed the top of my head.

“Where were you?”

“Zayn wanted me to meet his new girlfriend and he insisted that you’d be fine while I was gone.” He paused “Remind me to beat the shit out of him next time we see him.”

I tensed as images of Mr. Smith flashed through my mind once again. 

“Sorry.” Harry apologized quickly, rubbing my back soothingly.

I didn’t get much sleep that night. It was filled with nightmares of not only Mr. Smith, but also of Harry leaving me.

**

(3 Days Later)

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad.” Harry sighed.

I sat on the bed next to my suitcase and a tear rolled down my face. I couldn’t even bring my own clothes. The only thing I had packed was a blanket from the couch that Harry and I always cuddled under and the teddy bear he won me at that carnival. 

I was leaving for The Phoenix in just four hours and I was already extremely nervous.

“I still don’t wanna go.” I said quietly.

Harry stood in front of me and cupped my face. He leaned down to eye level and stared into my eyes, staying silent for a long moment, then he leaned in and connected our lips in a passionate but gentle kiss.

I layed back on the bed, bringing him with me. He straddled my waist and moved his mouth down my neck and stomach, leaving multiple love bites in his wake. 

We were both only in boxers since we planned to spend the rest of the day together and we’d just made love two hours ago. He stopped suddenly and raised himself back up so he could look me in the eye.

“Promise me you’ll try to get better?” He breathed.

“I promise.” I nodded reluctantly.

I knew me going away was just as hard for Harry as it was for me. He let out a shaky breath and collapsed on my chest.

We layed like that for a long time, just enjoying each other’s company while we still could. 

“Make love to me.” I broke the silence.

Harry tilted his head up to look at me and when he saw that I was sincere he lifted himself up again and resumed kissing all over my body.

He ground his crotch against mine until we were both hard, then he stripped me of my boxers. He sucked my cock for a few minutes, drawing out moans and groans into the quiet flat. 

I yanked his hair as I felt the coiling in my stomach and he let my cock go with an obscene pop. He stood, slid off his boxers, then grabbed the lube from the bedside table. He coated his fingers in the slick liquid and pushed one finger into my entrance.

He mouthed at my collar bones as he proceeded to stretch me out. When I was ready he slid his cock in and kissed me to distract me from the pain. He slowly rocked in and out of me, filling me with pleasure. I kissed his neck desperately and he met my lips in a wet, sloppy kiss. 

I moaned into his mouth as I released and he came not to much later, burying his head in my neck to muffle his loud moan.

“How much longer do we have?” I whispered, smoothing my hand over his back.

He turned his head to look at the clock and tapped three fingers on my chest, signaling that we had three hours left.

“Why don’t we take a quick shower, then you can take a nap while I make you lunch.” He smiled sweetly and peppered kisses all over my face.

We shared lazy kisses under the stream of water while we washed off. We finished then pulled on boxers and went into the kitchen. I insisted to Harry that I didn’t want to sleep. I just wanted to be with him.

I helped Harry get out the ingredients for pasta and while we waited for the noodles to boil I smeared some sauce on his nose. He glared playfully at me, so I licked it off, giggling at his expression.

He lifted me onto the counter and kissed me lovingly from between my knees. I locked my ankles behind his back and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. If I wasn’t so tired and if we hadn’t already made love twice in one day I might have gotten aroused again. 

We only parted when the noodles threatened to boil over. Harry stuck a spoon in the middle and stirred it. He carried the pot to the sink and poured it through a strainer, getting rid of all the excess water.

I got us both down a plate and some forks and set them on the counter. Harry poured the noodles onto both plates, then grabbed the sauce and did the same.

“You get the drinks, I’ll go pick out a movie.” 

I grabbed our plates and set them on the coffee table once I got into the living room. I eventually settled on The Hunger Games and put it in the DVD player. 

Harry joined me on the couch and handed me a glass of soda. I pressed play and the movie began. We finished off the last of the pasta then cuddled together on the sofa and we might’ve shed a few tears when Rue died, but no one has to know about that.

Once the movie ended we went back to our room to get dressed. I knew they were going to make me change once I got there anyways so I just put on sweatpants and a t-shirt. I looked out over the city while Harry finished dressing.

I was lost in my thoughts and didn’t notice him come up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. He hummed softly into my ear and I felt myself relaxing into his embrace.

I don’t know how long we stood like that, but I never wanted it to end. 

He silently picked up my bag and I followed him outside to his car. He tossed my bag into the back seat and slid in next to me. I chewed on my nails nervously, but Harry quickly pulled my hand into his and held it there. 

The hour was over far too sudden and soon we were pulling into the parking lot of a large white building. Harry took my bag in one hand and my hand in the other as we walked up the concrete walkway.

The building was surrounded by rose bushes and tall, bright, green grass. The words ‘The Phoenix’ were written in red letters over the door. I felt myself shaking as we walked through the automatic sliding glass door and into the lobby.

Harry dropped my hand and wrapped a comforting arm around my waist, pulling me closer to his side.

“I need to check in Louis Tomlinson.” Harry spoke to the receptionist.

She typed something up on her computer and then directed us to my room after Harry signed something. Just as we reached the room a voice came on over the intercom saying visitors only had ten minutes before they had to leave. I let out an embarrassing whine and gripped Harry tighter.

He stopped outside the room and skimmed his lips over mine. He shoved open the door and a boy sitting on the bed on the far side of the room jumped. Harry waved politely before sitting my bag down on the empty bed closest to the door. 

“I’m Louis. I guess we’re going to be roommates. This is my boyfriend Harry.” 

“Hi. I’m Josh.”

The announcer came on again asking all the visitors to leave, causing a tear to slip from my eye. Harry turned and hugged me tighter than he ever had before and I felt something wet drip onto my shoulder. I only cried harder now that I knew he was crying too.

He craned his neck backwards to kiss me and I held onto him as if my life depended on it. I felt his eyelashes flutter against my cheek at the same time that I tasted the salty tears leaking into our kiss.

We reluctantly parted and he scrubbed at his eyes.

“I love you.” I murmured.

“I love you too.” He choked a little on his words, but the message was clear.

I brushed our lips together one last time and then he was gone.


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not Edited #sorrynotsorry

I was woken up the next morninga by and annoying knocking at the door. A nurse came in and set a cup of pills beside me and one beside Josh. I was to tired to argue, so I just took the pills without questioning.

“Open.” 

I confusedly opened my mouth and she looked into my mouth, before moving on to Josh.

“Sorry, I have to make sure you took the pills. Some patients like to hide them under their tongues.” She picked up the empty cups and set them back on a tray with other cups of pills. “Here are your schedules. If you have any questions just find a nurse in the hallway.” She smiled.

 

We nodded so she left us. I took a minute to look over my schedule. 

“What have you got?” Josh asked.

“First breakfast, then group therapy, then activity room, then lunch, then private therapy, then free time until dinner.”

“We have activity time, whatever that is, and meals together, but other than that nothing.”

My schedule was breakfast, private therapy, activity time, lunch, group therapy, free time, and finally, dinner.

The nurses had left us clothes to wear, so I got up and put the grey sweatpants and white t-shirt on. I felt naked without a jacket or long sleeves. My scars were on display for everyone to see. I took a deep breath and turned back around. Josh was already dressed, so we walked to the cafeteria together.

We found a table towards the back and sat down with our breakfast, which looked disgusting. We chatted a little while we ate, but both of us were really too tired to say much. 

I said goodbye to him as we turned down different halls. I finally found Room 107 on the third hall. I knocked before entering and a woman with too much lipstick smiled at me from across the desk. 

“Have a seat.”

I nervously sat on the cushioned chair and waited for her to speak again. 

When she looked at me I was a little taken aback. She looked like a female version of Harry, except her eyes weren't as bright. She had the same dark curls that framed her face, but they were a lot longer than Harry’s.

“My name is Emily and you must be Louis.” 

I nodded shyly and she sat back in her chair. She studied me for a few minutes, and just when I was starting to feel uncomfortable, she spoke up.

“Why are you here?” 

“Isn’t that in your notes?” I sighed. “I thought it was pretty obvious. I have depression and anxiety.”

“That’s not what I meant. I want to know why you’re here in the first place. Not many people will voluntarily check themselves into a mental hospital.”

“I’m only doing it for my boyfriend.”

“Tell me about him.”

I stayed quiet for a few minutes, trying to figure out the right thing to say. I didn’t want to go overboard and give her unnecessary details. Also, talking about him would only make me miss him more.

“He has brown curly hair and green eyes, kinda like you. He has a really deep voice and he talks really slow, but in the mornings it’s raspy and quick. He likes to walk around our flat in only his boxers and he always makes me breakfast in the morning. He takes care of me when I’m sick, and he watches out for me when I’m scared. We both came from foster parents, but we live together now and he always meets me where I work and we walk home together. He’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met, but I hated him when I first met him. Honestly, I’d probably be dead if it weren't for him. He’s stopped me so many times.” I took a deep breath and waited for her reaction.

I may have gotten a bit carried away, but there was a smile on my face and that’s all that mattered. She was also smiling.

“He means alot to you yeah?”

“I wouldn’t be here if he didn’t.”

She chuckled at that and leaned forward on her elbows. She rummaged through her desk before pulling out a rubber band. She handed it to me.

“Put this on your wrist and every time you feel like harming yourself, just snap it against your wrist.”

I slipped the rubber band onto my wrist and looked back at her.

“Since this is your first session and I know you won’t trust me completely, I want you to tell me what you want. I’m going to tell you a secret though. The more I know, the faster I can get you out of here.”

I laughed a little at that. I did want to get out of here. I missed Harry even though it’d only been a day and I had a life that I had to get back to. I didn’t want to tell her anything, but I knew Harry would want me too. Besides, anything I said was confidential.

I started at the very beginning, from my first foster home and I worked my way up to where I am now. I left out a few details, but most of the important things were said.

She listened silently, with the occasional question or nodd. At the end of my story she blew out a big breath.

“It’s understandable to be in your condition after all of that.” She grimaced.

“I’d like you to practice thinking good thoughts about yourself. Every morning when you wake up I want you to look in the mirror and say to yourself ‘I am enough’. If that doesn’t work, or if you’re in a particularly bad mood then just think of what Harry would do or say.”

“Yes ma’am.” 

“Please, call me Emily. Ma’am makes me feel old. IT was nice meeting you and I’m excited to talk to you again tomorrow morning, then we can really get down to business.”

I grinned and shook her outstretched hand. She gave a small wave as I exited the room. I found a nurse in the hallway and she directed me to the activity room.

The activity room turned out to be a room filled with books, instruments, CDs, art supplies, games, laptops and everything else you could do for fun. 

I met Josh over by the drums and he grinned at me before playing a tune. I clapped at the end of it and he thanked me. I excused myself and checked out a laptop. 

I pulled up Harry’s contact on Skype and he answered after a few rings.

“Hey babe!” He grinned. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you. Is everything okay there?”

“Yeah, but I think Larry misses you, he just keeps walking around and meowing.” He laughed.

“That’s adorable!” I cooed.

“He misses his daddy.” Harry smiled sadly.“I miss you too.” 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

For the next forty five minutes I talked to Harry and I was about to cry when I finally had to say goodbye. Harry begged me not to cry, because then he would start crying and we’d both be a mess. We blew each other a kiss then I hung up.

I gathered myself before getting up to turn the laptop back in. 

Josh and I went to lunch together and once again parted ways to go to our next thing.

Group therapy was weird and I absolutely hated it. I had to talk in front of about ten or fifteen people and they all gave me judging looks. I refused to speak about my past, so eventually Mrs. Debra just told me to sit down.

I was exhausted by the time I got back to my room after dinner. I took a hot shower and brushed my teeth then slid under the covers. I said goodnight to Josh and ten minutes later, I had fallen asleep.


End file.
